Time Management Strategies That Help You Put Your Wellness in the School Year Schedule
A new school year isn’t just a fresh start for kids. It can be an ideal time for moms to prioritize their needs and start healthy new habits, too.
For kids, back-to-school means new backpacks, new routines, and the excitement of new friends. But for moms, this time of year often brings the pressures of back-to-school activities and lengthy to-do lists that go beyond purchasing new school supplies and sneakers.
Most often the default parents, moms are tasked with crafting kids' schedules and managing the family calendar to include the many elements of modern childhood—sports teams, therapy, tutors, birthday parties, playdates, and more. By the time we’re done, there’s little room for us to do anything but play chauffeur or chaperone.
American Mothers on Pause, a study from Mother Untitled, found just that. The study asked stay-at-home and downshifted moms in the United States to choose their top three measures of success in motherhood from a provided list of common answers. Fifty-four percent of respondents defined success as “whether their children were mentally healthy,” and 50 percent chose “if my kids are emotionally content.” Thirty-one percent cited their children’s physical health, and 29 percent selected whether they had a good relationship with their partner.
Rounding out the list: 29 percent selected “if my family is living comfortably within budget” and 25 percent chose “if my kids are thriving in school.” Just one in five mothers named their own mental health as a marker of success, tied with having a clean and organized home.
The study also found that while only 4 in 10 stay-at-home mothers participate in a regular activity outside the home, 90 percent of those who committed to this practice said doing so has positively impacted their mood. So why are some moms hesitant to build self-care into their day?
Just one in five mothers named their own mental health as a marker of success, tied with with having a clean and organized home.
“In our culture, we've been taught from a young age to privilege the needs of others, to take care of them, to make things better, to know what to do—both at work and at home,” says Kristin Marguerite Doidge, an associate marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. “This kind of maternal work is so valuable that our society wouldn't function without it, and yet, we know we have a long way to go in terms of showing monetary [or] financial support for this kind of work.”
This cultural mindset is internalized by moms who come to believe that their mental and physical well-being isn’t a priority, she explains. This could also be why many moms measure success by how others are feeling, not how they themselves are.
“Moms are caregivers and tend to have a lot of experience giving in all areas of life,” Doidge explains. “It's not surprising, then, that many moms might feel like a sign they're having ‘success’ is seeing that their kids and partner are doing well. This only becomes problematic when mom doesn't have the time, space, or energy to make sure she's refilling her own cup.”
But mothers aren’t immune to the risk of neglecting their mental health. And a mentally healthy mom has a greater capacity to parent her kids.
“Even the most freely giving, dedicated, self-sacrificing mom will, at some point, get tired of it,” says Bonnie Scott, a licensed professional counselor and the founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling in San Antonio, Texas. “She will feel tired, and resentful, and taken for granted, and she will take it out on her family. If we want to be the moms that consistently show up for our families, we have to make sure our own needs get met too, whether that means asking for what we need, and insisting we get it, or giving what we need to ourselves.”
So while it may seem counterintuitive to carve out time for self-care when you’re already struggling to get a handle on the family schedule, it’s a necessity. Here’s how to make time for what fills you up each week—along with how to stick to that schedule during the school year.
Meet the Experts
Kristin Marguerite Doidge: Associate marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California.
Bonnie Scott: Licensed professional counselor and founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling in San Antonio, Texas.
Anna Dearmon Kornick: Time management coach in Madisonville, Louisiana, and the host of the weekly podcast It’s About Time.
Input Time for Wellness Into the Family Schedule
When I started regularly practicing yoga, I religiously input my weekly class schedule into our shared family calendar. That way, there were no “I have to work late” surprises, and my husband knew well ahead of time that we would be splitting time with the kids that day, instead of tackling bed and bath time as a team.
Experts also employ this strategy.
“I suggest everyone sit down for a scheduling meeting and bring the items they want on the schedule,” Scott says. “We do it at our house once a month minimum, and we do a bigger meeting when schedules are shifting, like around the beginning of the school year,” she adds.
First, fill in the responsibilities that are required, such as school, work and extracurriculars, then see what time is left over, Scott says. Then the open time slots are divvied up amongst the family members, making sure no one (not even mom) are left out or left for last.
“This is a partnership between adult partners and a consensus among the whole family; the agreement is that everyone gets some of what they want, but probably not everything. Time is a finite resource and should be shared appropriately,” Scott says.
Start with something fun, something necessary, or something restful.
As far as what activities mothers just starting to dip their toes into the world of wellness or self-care can take on? Scott has a simple rule.
“Start by setting aside some time each day to do something fun, something necessary, and something restful.”
“Start by setting aside some time each day to do something fun, something necessary, and something restful,” she says. “These don’t have to be huge things or big time sucks. Read a couple of chapters of a book. Make your mammogram appointment. Sit on your porch. Delegate a task to someone else. Ask for support. These things are small, but will immensely lighten the mental load most moms are carrying.”
Or, it could be a weekly yoga class, mom’s night out, or even designated hours carved out to pursue a career passion.
Take Five Minutes
If taking time for yourself seems completely out of reach, start small. Anna Dearmon Kornick, a time management coach in Madisonville, Louisiana, and the host of the weekly podcast It’s About Time, suggests making a list of self-care items you can achieve in just five minutes, from a walk to simple stretches. That way, you can actively choose wellness when you have a few free minutes, instead of tidying up or throwing in a load of laundry.
“Things come up unexpectedly, and that hour that we were hoping to have for a yoga class, suddenly becomes 20 minutes,” she explains. “[As moms,] we can be very all or nothing, and think, well if I can't go to the hour-long yoga class, then I'm just gonna clean the house. So, having a list of ideas as a starting point is huge.” That’s because more often than not, moms are trying to fit self-care into the margins of their day, she notes.
Expect to Stray From the Plan
Plan opportunities for wellness into your day–but allow room for error, too.
“The best way to regularly include activities that will boost your mental and physical well-being is to schedule them according to your own natural rhythm,” Doidge says. “If you're not a morning person, skip the 5 a.m. spin class, but maybe consider a workout or meditation on your lunch break instead.”
This is a strategy that Florida-based mom of two Maya Sutherland regularly employs.
“I prioritize working out daily at a 5:15 am group fitness class during the week,” she says. “I find that getting it in early is the only way as I need to get it done before the day gets busy and everyone demands something of me.”
As such, Sutherland also finds herself prioritizing sleep, so she can make it to those early workouts. “Since I have to be up so early, naturally it makes me prioritize sleep, she says. “I need adequate sleep in order to make it to my workouts.”
Start New Habits
And the beginning of school isn’t just a fresh start for kids. It can be an ideal time for moms to prioritize their needs and start healthy new habits, as well.
“I want my own cup to be full so that I kick off the school year in the best way… [and] I find the start of the school year to be a great time to make changes and try new things,” says Suzanne Brown, consultant, speaker and author of Mompowerment. Brown uses this period of transition to mark a moment of change for herself. As her children head back to the classroom, Brown makes a point of incorporating a new moment for self-care into her schedule.
“I must bake wellness into my routine, [such as] walking three to four miles five to six days a week, a monthly pedicure, time with friends, etc., or I'm rundown,” she says. “[Then] I'm not being the best mom or entrepreneur that I can be.”
