How to Decide Whether or Not You Should Return to Work After Maternity Leave
From finances to childcare, professional fulfillment, and work-life balance, there’s so much to weigh when it comes to deciding whether to return to work after maternity leave.
With three children under five–including a three-month-old baby–Ohio mom Erin D. would love to stay home for the next year, savoring that short-lived infant period with her youngest. Financially and professionally, however, Erin is feeling drawn back to the workforce.
“We love putting the kids in extracurricular activities like sports and music, which my paycheck usually covers,” she says. “I could probably [continue to] stay home, but we would have to cut back on things for the kids that I don’t really want to.”
There’s also the fact that Erin loves her job as a nurse, and the sense of identity separate from “mom” that going to work provides. “I love to help other people, and to be able to focus on things outside the house and have a break from the stresses of home. Even listening to your own music on the car ride to work makes a big difference in your day,” Erin admits.
The only leave that’s been available to Erin has been unpaid, which has only strengthened the pull to return to work. Having recently moved to Cincinnati from Chicago to be closer to her mom for childcare and support, Erin resigned from her previous role in the emergency room at University of Illinois Hospital. She’s now looking for a position that will allow her to have the best of both worlds–a practice-based nursing job during school hours only, in place of the nights and weekends she clocked at the ER. The trouble is, these dream jobs are few and far between, so Erin is giving herself a few more months at home with the kids while she holds out for a role that ticks all the boxes. If nothing comes up in that time, she’ll reassess her options.
When it comes to deciding whether to stay home, moms make the decision fairly quickly. Four in 10 moms said they left their jobs within a month of first considering the decision.
Taking this time to find her way back to work is certainly not the norm in the US. As the American Mothers on Pause study from Mother Untitled reveals, just 15 percent of moms who have downshifted or paused their careers for parenthood spent six months or longer contemplating the decision to do so. The survey found that moms choose fairly quickly when deciding whether to stay home or cut back their work hours. Four in 10 respondents said they left their jobs within a month of beginning to contemplate the idea.
From finances to childcare, professional fulfillment, and work-life balance, there’s so much to weigh when it comes to making the not very straightforward decision–when do you know it’s time to go back to work after maternity leave?
Meet the Experts
Jaime Komer: Founder of Consciously Connected, a personal growth consultancy, and a coach who specializes in guiding clients through periods of transition.
Jillian Knight: Licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Her Financial Therapy.
Neha Ruch: Founder of Mother Untitled, and author of the forthcoming book, The Power Pause.
Jaclyn George: Clinical psychologist with Hearth and Heart Therapy, which specializes in postpartum care.
Ready to Return to Work? Here’s How to Decide
Embrace Uncertainty to Help You Ask the Right Questions
The uncertainty Erin is experiencing is not uncommon and is a valid part of the decision-making process, says Jaime Komer, a former Olympic athlete and a personal coach who specializes in guiding people through transition periods in their lives.
“For mothers, uncertainty brings [an] opportunity to reassess what's most important. It's often a time for people to redefine their values, as they redefine their identity and explore who they are at a deeper level,” notes Komer, who is also expecting her third child.
Find a Community to Commiserate With
For moms wrestling with whether to return to work after maternity leave, Komer recommends finding a safe, supportive space to express uncertainties. While Erin has the support of her mom and husband, she acknowledges that being the first in her group of friends to have children has made it difficult to talk things through with someone who can relate.
For Seema S., a mom of two in California, finding a like-minded community has been essential to helping her overcome the postpartum depression that stood in the way of returning to her career as a corporate diversity, equity, and inclusion leader, despite her youngest now being three. After moving in with her mom during the early years of the pandemic, then selling their home, Seema and her family spent most of 2023 in pursuit of new experiences that would help lift the fog of depression. They traveled, meeting other families along the way. Sharing the highs and lows of parenthood with other moms has helped Seema get back to herself–and offered her clarity on what comes next after her career pause.
As a favor, she began organizing trips for the families she befriended in her travels, which helped her realize she had the skills and motivation to work in the travel planning industry professionally. She’s since launched her own family travel consultancy, Joya Journeys.
Get Clear On Your Finances
Both Erin and Seema have experienced what it’s like to live off just one salary, and they are both looking forward to contributing financially again. But returning to the paid workforce comes with its own expenses, too–namely childcare.
Jillian Knight, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and the owner of Her Financial Therapy, recommends doing an in-depth financial audit well before baby arrives. “[Consider] how much you have saved in an emergency fund and/or baby fund, your household income, what your estimated monthly expenses are going to be after the baby arrives, and how much paid maternity leave your employer provides, if any,” Knight says. She also notes that when weighing the option of whether to pause your career after maternity leave, you’ll want to consider the cost of childcare compared to your take-home pay.
If you have a partner, Knight recommends taking on the financial audit as a couple and ensuring you’re on the same page when it comes to your family finances. But instead of starting the conversation on the fly, she advises setting a date to talk so that you both have time to prepare beforehand. She suggests that both partners take solo time to write down the hopes and fears they have about living on one income.
Knight encourages moms to conceptualize their partner's salary as shared income that they also receive for doing the very important, and often very stressful work, of caregiving.
“When you have the discussion, pull out your notes and take turns sharing and listening. If a partner is not receptive to having this discussion or isn't willing to consider your needs and wants, you may want to consider seeking couples therapy to address this issue,” Knight adds.
The need to be validated as a financial contributor to the home can influence many moms’ decisions to return to work, and the psychological impact of choosing to stay home and not bring in any income can be hard to navigate. Knight encourages moms to conceptualize their partner's salary as shared income that they also receive for doing what she rightly describes as the very important, and often very stressful work, of caregiving.
Use Every Bit of Leave Possible
Mother Untitled founder Neha Ruch recommends that families use every bit of leave available to them. If your partner has parental leave, she suggests adding it onto the end of your maternity leave, as a way of extending the time when there’s at least one parent at home with the baby.
You may also consider tacking paid vacation onto your maternity leave. And if your physical and mental health were impacted by child birth, you may even consider consulting with your healthcare provider about disability leave.
This isn’t a replacement for paid family leave, Ruch stresses, but this strategy may give parents additional time to weigh their options and make choices that feel right for their families.
“One of the hardest things to hear is from women who are six weeks postpartum who feel this pressure to make a decision about returning to work,” Ruch says. “In the US, we don't have the scaffolding to support women in their transition into motherhood after recovering from childbirth. So it’s important to go in with clarity of thought.”
View Your Return as a Trial Period
If you don't have clarity and you wish you had more time to make your decision, consider viewing your return to work as a trial period, Ruch suggests. As you return to the workforce, use this time to assess what it’s like to use regular paid childcare, and what resources and support you need to thrive both in the workplace and at home, she says.
“Give yourself increments, say weekly, to see how you're doing and take note of that, whether that's in journaling, with a coach or therapist, or your partner,” Ruch says. What you’ll have, she adds, is more data, time, and sleep to make a clearer choice about whether you should return to work for the long haul.
This is not to encourage women to stay in a job if that isn’t what they want, Ruch clarifies. Rather, positioning your return as a trial period–one that gives you ample time to test and learn what works best for you and your family–may be the ticket to finding clarity.
Challenge Your Views on What It Means to Stay Home
The hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom can be the lack of recognition from the outside world, says Jaclyn George, a clinical psychologist with Hearth and Heart Therapy, which specializes in postpartum care. “It [means] constant stimulation and managing a million different things… [At-home motherhood] comes with its own challenges, just like working does,” says George, who’s a mom of two as well.
It’s also important to note that motherhood is in a constant state of flux, and where you and your child were in those foggy newborn days will change rapidly–and will keep evolving yearly. “You may love being at home for one season of your child's life and not another. It is okay to shift with that if you want,” says Anne Welsh, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, executive coach, and mom of four.
Whether you choose to return to the workforce or embrace a season of at-home parenthood, it may take time before you’re truly comfortable with your decision. “It is OK to struggle with change or even mourn the loss of [your] working identity,” says Dr. Welsh, adding that feeling initial discomfort over your choice doesn’t mean you’ve chosen the wrong path.
