How To Be a Happier At-Home Mom—According to a Therapist
An expert’s three-step guide to inviting more joy, play, and connection into your parenting.
Wherever you are in the gray area–that space between career and family life–you deserve to enjoy this chapter to the fullest. “There’s so much to motherhood that is just 24/7 work,” says Orlesa Poole, a licensed clinical social worker who works exclusively with moms.
If we aren’t intentional about finding the moments of parenting we enjoy, our caregiving can feel like a literal job, she adds, which is likely not the life you dreamed of when you chose to pause or downshift your career for motherhood.
If you find that joyful, happy moments at home are few and far between, it’s time to get deliberate about prioritizing connection, play, and fun with your family. Below, Orlesa shows us how. Ahead are her three steps to finding more joy and ease as a stay-at-home mom.
Prioritize Your Own Joy–Without Feeling Guilty About It
While mothers in particular are conditioned to feel guilty or selfish about prioritizing themselves, Orlesa says denying our own joy can be detrimental.
“When we’re burned out, we aren’t as present. We aren’t as patient,” she explains. “When we are under stress for long periods of time, the part of our brain responsible for logic and emotional regulation turns itself off. That’s when you find yourself not being able to play with your kids because you can’t be patient or present.”
By taking time to find the things that light us up, we’re also teaching our children a valuable lesson about self-care. “They’re seeing you invest your time into things that are high value, instead of just tasks you ‘should’ do,” Orlesa says.
Take Tasks Off Your Plate
If you’re wondering how you can possibly find time and energy to center your own joy when there’s just so much to do, Orlesa encourages you to create time by outsourcing and delegating tasks. “You know you’re not going to feel comfortable sitting down to have dedicated, mindful play with your child if all you can think about is your to-do list,” she adds.
Look over your responsibilities and decide what you can offload completely, delegate to others (like a partner or kids), or hire out for. Maybe it’s bowing out of being the classroom parent this year at school. Or maybe it’s handing off the bedtime routine to your partner. Whatever it is, this is where you start, says Orlesa, by making room so that you can enjoy your day-to-day life.
What are the aspects of motherhood that bring you joy? What are the moments you find you’re actually enjoying yourself?
Discover What You Truly Enjoy
Now that you’ve shaken free of any guilt and lightened your to-do list, Orlesa recommends looking inward. What are the aspects of motherhood that bring you joy? What are the moments you find you’re actually enjoying yourself? In what moments do you feel most connected to your kids?
If you’re struggling to answer these questions, Orlesa encourages you to think back to your own childhood and consider the everyday activities that made your heart feel full.
“You can also ask yourself what simple things you were most looking forward to about raising kids,” Orlesa adds. “We don’t often admit that when we dreamed of having kids, we also thought about making cookies together or wearing matching outfits.”
It might feel silly to verbalize, but these are just the sort of lighthearted, everyday experiences that bring a sense of playfulness into parenting. “It’s OK to lean into that,” Orlesa says.
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