We’re Told Stay-at-Home Moms Aren’t Ambitious—But Nothing Could Be Further From the Truth
We've created a culture in which “ambition” is defined solely by career progression. But what if we widened the definition so that it speaks to our roles as mothers, partners, and beyond?
In these last two weeks, I have been leaning heavily into my family and caring for myself. It means that naps and nighttimes when I previously couldn't get to the computer fast enough to write, catch up on email, or work through a partnership, I'm taking it slow.
Within 72 hours of the shift, I was harshly questioning my "ambition.” I had a weekend-long negative tailspin, complete with self-describing words like “lazy” or “unmotivated.”
Sunday evening, I was comforting my son, singing at his request while roasting broccoli, and talking through our home renovation plans with my husband, and I thought how could anyone, let alone me, call this lazy?
The popular definition of ambition is a "strong desire to do.” The dictionaries don't elaborate on what it is you are doing. We've created a culture in which ambition is defined solely by career progression, and it's hard not to absorb that message, not to measure yourself as a mother against the cultural benchmarks of career success.
Ambition is a long game and it requires intention, patience, and a willingness to recalibrate as you go.
But what if we take Merriam-Webster's word for it, and assume that ambition is a long game of doing? And sometimes that means having a successful marriage that warrants both hard work and determination—the dictionary pre-requisites of ambition. It's raising loved and loving children. Or being a kind, healthy human. And sometimes it means creating or growing projects in the workplace or for yourself.
When we think of it that way, and not with a singular focus, ambition is doing work for many things you care deeply about over the course of your life. If we're all holding a platter of things to care for, it's natural for motivations to shift toward pressing, time-sensitive priorities. And sometimes, the motivation to do—to do for your family, namely—may come in the shape of slowing down on other things.
By this logic, if I give myself permission to take my foot off the gas in some areas this week or even this month, I'm not cutting myself slack—I'm recognizing that right now, I'm extra-motivated to care for myself and my family through transitions. Who knows what next month will bring? Ambition is a long game and it requires intention, patience, and a willingness to recalibrate as you go.
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I Chose Motherhood Over My Career And I’m 100% a Feminist
Editor’s note: A version of this story was first published in 2021. It has been updated for timeliness.
