I Chose Motherhood Over My Career, And I'm 100% a Feminist
by Neha Ruch
We once thought of a career pause as a permanent dead-end. But it can be a powerful moment for creative growth and change.
Once, traveling in Israel, I spoke with several women who had paused or adjusted work after having their children. In all of these conversations, I’ve found a shared truth that transcends religion or nationality among women in their thirties who have made similar decisions. We spoke about disappointing the generation before us—the women who raised us and wanted us to have it all. Our mothers and mothers-in-law who proudly branded themselves as feminists.
There exists a tension between our generation—the generation of choice—and the generation before of us—the generation of opportunity. My guess is that after the feminist fight for workplace equality in the ‘60s and ‘70s, our generation benefited from more room to start saying we can be treated equally but we are actually different. We can claim our biological capacity to bear children and the biological instinct to care for them. And if we choose, we may embrace that our career paths may not be exactly the same, or for that matter, as linear as our male peers.
I do often have to assure my mother that I plan to stay relevant and may eventually return to the paid workforce. I let her know that I'm still intellectually involved and I'm not isolated in this chapter. In some ways I know she is so happy to see me enjoy motherhood. In other ways, she's scared that I'll miss an opportunity.
And I think that's where our generations diverge again. As modern women, I think we have more creative confidence and community than our mothers ever did. There is simply more room for us to advocate for our skill set, and more digital and physical spaces to stay connected to each other, our industries, and ongoing education. I see so many women taking pauses or embracing flexible or freelance work and actively connecting with likeminded women online and offline—brainstorming ideas, trading opportunities, offering contacts, or encouraging new hobbies.
This moment is powerful and full of authentic connections, deep personal growth, and clarity on what matters most.
One of the biggest misconceptions about women who choose to pause or downshift their careers, is that in doing so, they will hit a plateau. They’ll lose creative steam, lose touch with their networks, and miss out on opportunities for growth. But in living in this choice and in speaking with countless women who have chosen similar paths, I can tell you with great confidence that nothing is further from the truth. This moment is powerful and full of authentic connections, deep personal growth, and clarity on what matters most.
I chose to focus this time of my life on motherhood and I am more awed and interested by women and all we can accomplish than ever before. I am awed by our capacity, our creativity, and our community, making diverse choices that are right for ourselves and our families. I also feel more pro-woman than I ever have before.
It turns out being a feminist doesn't have to mean being an island—for me, it means staying fiercely committed to believing in and supporting a woman's ability to create, grow, and impact good change.
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