How Parents Can Seek Flexible Positions as They Return to Their Career
The vast majority of stay-at-home parents say they’re prioritizing job flexibility as they re-enter the workforce.
Cincinnati-based teacher Sarah L. was on the fast track to a full-time school administration position. She’d been asked to move from her teaching role to fill multiple interim positions for principal and curriculum roles, even as she had one, two, then three children. She believed she could do, and have it all, and for a while she did. “I went into [education] because I believed I could do what I love, but also focus on my family,” she says.
But as one particular interim principal job became more time-consuming, she found herself working evenings, weekends, and long hours into the night to deal with behavior issues, curriculum questions, parent requests, and much more. It all came to a head one night, when she found herself close to midnight on the laundry room floor, still working, with a bottle of wine, taking an important call.
“That’s when my husband and I started to think… you are physically struggling, you’re not working out anymore, you’re exhausted, and it’s not worth what you are being paid,” she recalls. At the end of that school year, she left education to be a full-time stay-at-home mom; she has been one for almost four years now.
Sarah is keeping an eye out for future opportunities that offer the flexibility needed to better accommodate a parent’s schedule. She’s one of many moms considering how she might return to the workforce after a career pause. In fact, the American Mothers on Pause (AMP) study from Mother Untitled found that 85 percent of stay-at-home and downshifted moms surveyed said they would prioritize flexibility when looking for their next job–making it the most popular priority when job searching. A manageable stress level (74 percent), followed by a good salary (71 percent), came in second and third on the priority list.
“For parents returning after a longer pause, it is especially important to have flexibility, as the whole family system has been operating one way, and now they all need to learn to operate another,” says Anne Welsh, Ph.D, a psychologist and executive coach with a specialization in motherhood and working parents.
Here’s what experts and moms want stay-at-home mothers to know about negotiating flexibility into your next role, post-career-pause.
There are so many options, and you’ll figure out what fits by thinking through what it is you most value and need from flexibility.
Meet the Experts:
Anne Welsh, Ph.D.: Psychologist and executive coach with expertise in issues related to motherhood and working parents.
Neha Ruch: Founder and CEO of Mother Untitled, and author of the forthcoming book, The Power Pause.
How to Negotiate Flexibility After a Career Break
Define Flexibility for Yourself
As you scroll through job boards, you’re likely to find plenty of companies that boast flexible work policies. But because there’s no standard definition of “flexible work,” the details may vary by employer. A 2021 study by the National Institute for Occupational Health (NIOSH) found the most common flexible work arrangements for employees in the U.S. were the freedom to take time off as-needed, to set work hours, and to change work location.¹ Additional options listed in the study included access to paid sick leave, gradual returns to work following maternity leave, and the ability to leave work to attend to family matters.
To help determine what flexible work arrangements you need, consider these questions from Neha Ruch, the founder and CEO of Mother Untitled, and the author of the forthcoming book, The Power Pause.
What is your capacity for remote, in-person, or hybrid work?
Do you need health insurance or corporate benefits, or are freelance or contract roles an option?
What hours in the day are you predictably available and supported to work?
What hours or days of the week are you unavailable to be online?
How would you prioritize the following: fulfilling job responsibilities, overall company culture, flexible work hours, compensation, and benefits?
“Remember, nothing is permanent, and very few things are perfect,” says Ruch. “If this is a first step back into the workforce after a career pause, it’s OK to prioritize what’s important right now, and test and learn what works for you and your family over time.”
Additionally, take some time to reflect on whether the position you need is actually a part-time job, as opposed to a flexible full-time role. There are big differences between the two, says Dr. Welsh, noting that asking yourself a handful of questions can help clarify your needs. She suggests reflecting on the following:
In an ideal role, are you able to take your kids to school, pick them up, and clock out for the day by 3 p.m.? If so, you may be looking for part-time work, Dr. Welsh explains. “Flexible work may allow for working from home, but you still have work to do in those after-school hours,” she adds.
Are you comfortable working from home while your children are around? If yes, a flexible full-time role may be a fit.
Does your family need the salary or benefits that come with full-time employment?
Would an adjusted, full-time work schedule fit your needs? For example, you might work from 7:30 - 3:30 each day to accommodate family life.
“There are so many options, and you’ll figure out what fits by thinking through what it is you most value and need from ‘flexibility,” says Dr. Welsh.
Look for Jobs in the Right Places
Dr. Welsh recommends networking with working moms to determine which industries and companies best meet their needs. This will give you clues on what types of jobs are most flexible and accommodating for parents and families. While not every company will accommodate your request for job flexibility, job-searching in the right places will increase your chances of finding the right fit.
Start your job search for flexible, full-time work with these organizations:
Search FlexJobs, which focuses on remote job hunting.
Sign up as talent on The Mom Project, which will match you with a job related to your expertise.
Be proud of your hiatus in working outside the home with job boards like The iRelaunch, which intentionally help place workers who have taken a break from their careers.
Explore woman-owned Power to Fly, which lists dozens of careers, focused on creating equitable opportunities for all.
Get the Inside Scoop on a Company’s True Flexibility
Vet companies for their flexible work potential by starting with your own network, Dr. Welsh advises. If you are connected to employees, ask them directly about company culture. No connections? No problem. Scour company websites for any information you can glean about the employers’ values. Dr. Welsh recommends keeping an eye out for company posts on flexible, family-friendly policies, such as parental leave and childcare benefits.
Additionally, look for hashtags like #showusyourleave and #showusyourchildcare, she suggests. Finally, watch for keywords such as “remote, hybrid, flexible schedule, work from home, or work from anywhere,” adds Dr. Welsh.
Sarah learned this the hard way when a position she applied for, and another one that she accepted, had a “bait and switch” take on flexibility—one had hidden tasks that she was tipped off to before accepting, and another blatantly defied the job description, adding weekends to the workload, in spite of what she was promised. “The lesson I learned through luck and life is I don’t up and move my family to a different city before I 100% know for a fact that this is what the job is truly going to be.”
Watch Out for Inflexibility Red Flags
Now, many job postings include language such as “flexible hours” or “flexible working conditions.” To weed out employers who may not have the flexible perks to back up their claims, Dr. Welsh encourages potential applicants to watch out for the following red flags in job postings:
Vague Descriptions: “If they can’t articulate a flexible work policy of some sort, such as ‘we can all work from home Mondays and Fridays,’ or ‘We expect everyone to be available 10-4, and other work can be completed on your own schedule,’ then they might not actually be as flexible as you hope. You need more information,” cautions Dr. Welsh.
“Flexibility By Request”: “This could mean they make you jump through hoops or justify the need for flexibility in some way that doesn’t fit for you.”
No Mention of Flexibility in Interviews: They don’t present flexible work options in the interview, suggesting the employer doesn’t prioritize flexible accommodations.
In-Person Workforce: They are all in-person full time (versus senior staff working remotely sometimes). “Actions speak louder than words,” Dr. Welsh says.
Ask About Flexibility in the Job Interview
Sure, “#lazygirljobs” might be trending, but you don’t have to jump on the bandwagon—prioritizing flexibility is much different than laziness. Dr. Welsh says the trick is to use your flexibility questions as a selling point for your dedication. You can say: “I am someone that really likes to get the job done, how accessible is this work from home to complete projects on tight timelines?"
A company that supports flexible work and working parents will not shy away from someone inquiring about it during the interview process.
Dr. Welsh adds that you shouldn’t wait until after an offer to ask about flexibility—and any company worth working for won’t be bothered by the topic. “A company that supports flexible work and working parents will not shy away from someone inquiring about it during the interview process,” she says.
It’s a tactic Jenny Sabbagh, a Detroit mom of two, employed in her last job search. She was laid off during the early days of the pandemic and became a stay-at-home mom for nearly a year. When it came time to start her search for full-time work, Sabbagh knew a measure of flexibility was non-negotiable. With her attorney husband unable to adjust his court schedule for things like family emergencies, Sabbagh felt strongly about finding a job that would allow her to handle urgent family issues, as she had while staying home. So, she started bringing up the subject of flexible work arrangements in interviews, a strategy she admits can feel “pretty awkward.”
“I don’t think a lot of women come out and say ‘I have kids and this is a condition of my employment,’” Sabbagh says, adding that some employers were caught off guard by her bluntness. But by starting these conversations about flexibility options, Sabbagh discovered a role that offered a near-perfect arrangement. Her current job as a district manager for PepsiCo allows her to begin her workday at home before daycare opens, and complete the remainder of her hours in the office. She values working for an employer whose expectations align with her priorities, and that she “has a life” outside of work.
To start the right conversations during an interview, Dr. Welsh recommends asking questions such as, “What is the policy around remote work as needed?” or “What is work-life balance like here?”
During her job search, Sabbagh’s highest priority was finding a position that respected her role as a mother, offering flexibility to complete her work–and take care of her family. Holding tight to that vision forced Sabbagh to turn down a few job offers, which wasn’t easy. “I wasn’t going to accept something just to accept it,” she says.
Instead, Sabbagh held out hope that the right position would come along, remembering the wise words of a former manager: “You can be a mom, be at the PTA meetings, do all the things you want to do, and also have a career.” It turns out, you just need the right flexibility in your job to make it happen.
References:
Ray, T. K., & Pana-Cryan, R. (2021). Work Flexibility and Work-Related Well-Being. International journal of environmental research and public health. 18(6), 3254.
