It’s OK if You Don’t Like to Play With Your Kids. Here’s What to Do About It.

May 22

Written By Jay Van Dyke - Top Rated Squarespace Web Designer in New Jersey

If your child’s invitations to play find you itching to escape, there’s hope for you yet. Two experts shed light on why you’ve been fishing for excuses—and how you can find joy in playtime.

Over the past few weeks, I have dutifully attended a rigorous training program, led by a preschooler in a fearsome felt unicorn mask. Enrolled in her premier unicorn school, I have learned to neigh with aplomb—though I am ashamed to admit that I have failed the remainder of my studies. I’ve been too eager, it seems, to sneak away for a cup of tea or a quick Instagram scroll.

While there’s plenty I love to do with my youngest, this pretend play dynamic—the one in which she schools me in all manner of failed transformations—feels painful to me every time. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but sometimes I don’t like playing with my kid.

There are times when my heart sinks at the mere invitation to play in this way. Then predictably, the guilt follows. What’s wrong with me? I wonder, my heart tugging in my chest. Won’t I miss this one day? Why can’t I just enjoy this sweet moment?

For at-home parents like me, engaging in play with little ones is part of the job description. So, what do you do when the very idea of playtime makes you want to run for the exit? Knowing I’m neither a defective mother nor alone in this thinking, I turned to two experts for help. Here’s what they had to say about dreading playtime as a parent.

Meet the Experts

Orlesa Poole: Licensed clinical social worker who specializes in treating postpartum depression and anxiety, and maternal burnout.
Emily Patillo: Child developmental therapist specializing in infants and toddlers.

It’s Normal to Dislike Playing as a Parent

Dreading playtime is a common scenario for many stay-at-home parents—and one we shouldn’t feel guilt or shame for experiencing, says Orlesa Poole, a licensed clinical social worker who works exclusively with moms.

“You’re not a kid! It’s OK if you do not like to play,” Poole reassures me. “It makes sense, too. A lot of [us] didn’t have playtime with our parents. We didn’t necessarily learn how to be an adult who plays with kids.”

Additionally, it’s perfectly normal to have moments of parenting that feel like a chore. Poole encourages mothers to challenge the expectation that we must enjoy every moment of motherhood. After all, there’s so much crying. So much diapering. So much sleep deprivation. And realistically, who can find joy in all of that? When we are honest with ourselves about what we don’t enjoy, we can make room for what we truly love to do with our children.

Like any aspect of motherhood, navigating playtime with kids requires a healthy dose of grace. “At the end of the day, we have to be gentle with ourselves,” says Poole.

What to do When You Don’t Want to Play With Your Child

Playtime is essential to raising happy, healthy kids. In fact, its social, emotional, and educational benefits are so immense, that early childhood researchers have dubbed play the “profession” of childhood.¹

But encouraging your child to build a tower of blocks or, let’s say, transform you into a mythical creature, isn’t just about boosting their growth and development. Sharing in playtime with your little one is also a natural way to strengthen the bond between you, and gain insight into your child’s inner life, says Emily Patillo, a developmental therapist specializing in infancy and toddlerhood.

“For children, playing with a parent has numerous benefits, such as nurturing trust and understanding,” Patillo says. “But play can be just as beneficial for parents, too! As a caregiver, play gives you a window into how your child is thinking and how they’re interpreting the world around them. It also affords you this incredible opportunity to understand your child’s cues—and to practice responding meaningfully.”

As a caregiver, play gives you a window into how your child is thinking and how they’re interpreting the world around them.

Patillo says there are plenty of ways to reap the bond-strengthening benefits of play—even if you don’t particularly care for playing dress-up or hide-and-seek. When parents think of playtime, we often imagine carving out structured time to sit and play on the floor together. But this idea doesn’t make sense for every family, and play can look different for every child and caregiver.

“Children are so interested in what their parents are doing. Young children, especially, want to mimic the routines of family life,” Patillo notes. “So find ways to invite your child to participate in these tasks in a way that makes sense for both of you—and in a way that tickles their curiosity and feels playful.” One idea Patillo offers is to fill up the kitchen sink with water and hand them some measuring cups to “cook” alongside you while you prep dinner.

Find Activities You Actually Enjoy

While there are plenty of times we will opt to sacrifice our own interests in favor of our children’s joy, it’s also OK—healthy even—to compromise. “Play is supposed to be fun for everyone involved!” Patillo says. “If you’re dreading playtime with your child, it only means you haven’t found the right activity yet.”

If you’re dreading playtime with your child, it only means you haven’t found the right activity yet.

So consider this your invitation to experiment and find the sort of play that both you and your child enjoy. If it’s not imaginative play, perhaps it’s board games or cards. Maybe you have a penchant for arts and crafts, or relish a leisurely nature walk and scavenger hunt. Take time to explore with your little one and try something new. But whatever you do, don’t overthink it, Patillo warns.

“Play doesn’t have to be a big ordeal. It’s actually less about which activity you choose, and more about the quality of the interaction,” she explains. “So however you choose to play, as long as you’re both present and engaged, that time together will be meaningful.”

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