When You’re Afraid of Losing Yourself to Stay-at-Home Motherhood
Recently, Neha Ruch, the founder of Mother Untitled, took questions on motherhood and the career pause from followers of the Verywell Family Instagram. One question spoke so keenly to the MU experience that we are sharing a transcript of Neha’s response below.
Priscilla Du Preez for Unsplash
How Do You Not Lose Yourself to Being a Stay-at-Home Mother?
1. Be open to growth
The first step is to accept that we are constant evolutions, meaning, I’m not the same person that I was five years ago, and I wasn’t the same person then as I was five years before that. Knowing that whatever choice we are making in career and motherhood will lead us to the next version of ourselves allows us to be really open to growth. I think what’s fascinating about making room for family life is that you can actually make room for yourself to grow in directions you never expected.
2. Find a community of stay-at-home moms
The second step is recognizing that stay-at-home motherhood is a departure from the environment and routines you were familiar with before. So finding the community that you might have gotten in your work environment is so key. I think local mom groups, playgrounds, play spaces, and even the Internet, offer that in such an incredible way. What’s fascinating about motherhood is, because there’s that connective thread, it lets you get deep quickly and lets you form relationships with a broader set of women than maybe you would have in a workplace.
One of the biggest limiting factors and beliefs in stay-at-home motherhood is that we think we can’t ask for help because we’re not doing paid work. The reality is that we’re doing incredibly important and valuable work while unpaid.
3. Pursue your passions & tend to your needs
The third step is asking yourself if there are practices and habits that help you feel whole and more like yourself—and how you can once again make time for them. Oftentimes, we say, “Well, we don’t have time!” And that can feel true, however, one of the biggest limiting factors and beliefs in stay-at-home motherhood is that we think we can’t ask for help because we’re not doing paid work. The reality is that we’re doing incredibly important and valuable work while unpaid. I think when we understand that by taking care of ourselves, we’re taking care of our whole family by showing up better for them, it allows us to work to carve out space for ourselves again.
Whatever you do with that time—meditate, work out, journal, or whatever helps keep you personally whole—allows you to connect to yourself again. You can also find ways to incorporate creative habits into your parenting life. I have found volunteering in schools and taking on small freelance projects makes me feel like I’m still in the game, networking, and learning.
There is no better leadership training than the time you spend at home. You will learn empathy, facilitating creativity, time management, planning, and strategic prioritization.
The last thing I would say is stay open. There is no better leadership training than the time you spend at home. You will learn empathy, facilitating creativity, time management, planning, and strategic prioritization. That doesn’t even include the personal development that I’ve found—meaning, there’s no bigger motivator than your child to work on things about yourself. Staying open to that growth will allow you to meet your next version that will lead you to whatever comes next.
Editor’s note: A version of this story was first published in 2021.
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