Let’s Stop Belittling Care Work—Starting With Mom Influencers
Mom influencers have found a way to make money, stay connected, and grow professionally. So, why do they make us cringe? Two experts in online culture blame our resistance to seeing caregiving as worthy work.
Four years ago, my entry into motherhood was rocky. Crippled by postpartum anxiety, I did not put my baby down for the first four months of his life. I spent most of those early days rocking back and forth in the dark nursery because I was too afraid to leave the house. As many new moms do, I discovered the sea of mommy influencers, or momfluencers, to keep me company. Over time, my feed filled with “nature moms” who were not only taking their babies out the door but going hiking! Swimming! Exploring! What started as comfort and admiration turned into empowerment and–four years later–my lifestyle. I raise my two toddlers outdoors. There’s not a mud puddle that goes un-stomped or a path we don’t stray from. Last summer, we explored a new park in a new town every single week, and I even created an Instagram account to show you.
I know what you’re thinking: Oh no, another influencer. Even the successful ones, working full time and earning incomes from their content, say they hate that word. I’ve noticed lately that those same mommy influencers whom I credit with helping me find joy and purpose in motherhood have been seemingly worn down, taking more frequent breaks from their accounts and alluding to the constant need to defend their businesses. But why do we judge mommy influencers for their roles as content creators–especially when it's a useful tool for them to make money, stay connected, and continue learning?
The labor that goes into a mom influencer’s work is largely invisible, which follows on from the legacy of women's work being undervalued…
“There are perceptions around social media as being ‘girly’ or ‘fluffy.’ The disparaging of mom influencers is likely bound up with historical and social constructions of gender,” explained Annika Pinch, a doctoral student in the media, technology, and society program at Northwestern University, whose research centers around marginalized communities and their use of online technology. “The labor that goes into a mom influencer’s work is largely invisible, which follows on from the legacy of women's work being undervalued, despite its centrality to society,” she adds.
Shaming Care Work Is a Cultural Pastime
It can be useful to consider the role of influencer alongside other predominantly female, low status, and low paying pink collar workers,” suggested Eloise Germic, a doctoral student in communications at the University of Illinois at Chicago, whose research is dedicated to examining the impact of media on motherhood.
“When you think of some pink collar jobs–nurses, teachers, secretaries–they’re all oriented around care work,” Eloise said. “That’s why they’re so devalued, because not only are they traditionally jobs that are held by women, but the work that they require is something that women have always been required to do.”
It's easy to assume anyone could do the job of an influencer, talking to their phone while going about their day as they normally would. Who wouldn’t want to get paid to walk their kid to preschool? The reality is there is a vast range of skills and hours of work behind the execution of a single post.
When you think of some pink collar jobs–nurses, teachers, secretaries–they’re all oriented around care work. That’s why they’re so devalued… because the work that they require is something that women have always been required to do.
“The back end of a blog is a full time job, or more,” said Shaheen Khan, the creator of the successful fashion, lifestyle, and motherhood blog, Lows to Luxe. The blog has amassed a following of more than 58 thousand on Instagram. On top of writing and editing content, Shaeen handles photography, brand outreach and contract negotiation, invoicing and finance, product testing–the list goes on and on. She added that once you push something live, an influencer is then required to handle engagement, pulling analytics and sending them to demonstrate return on investment to the brand. “You’re essentially a one-person system for marketing,” Shaheen said.
We Judge SAHMs in the Same Way
The judgment faced by influencers is uncomfortably familiar to me, as it is tangled with the judgment surrounding stay-at-home moms: they lack ambition, are comfortable being dependent on a spouse, and often “lose themselves” in motherhood. “In the case of mommy blogging, moms are taking mothering, the most traditional type of care work, and turning it into something they can monetize,” Eloise said.
Four years ago, I paused my profession in nursing to stay home with my son. It was a choice I was privileged to make, but one that often kept me up at night. I worried I was making a mistake by letting go of a job I loved along with the financial independence it gave me. Yet my strong desire to be home as my child’s caretaker during those weekday hours felt undeniable.
At first, I was embarrassed when people often asked me “When are you going back to work?” Some seemed genuinely concerned, that by pausing my career I was also somehow pressing pause on myself. It took me a year to hold my head high and ignore that need to justify my choice. As the years went by, and another baby was born, I found my footing in my role as an at-home parent. I learned to slow down, to relish the joy and adapt to the ever changing phases of motherhood. I realized that my time at home also gave me the time to write, to network, and to delve into my community. Fast forward to now, and I’m confident in my seat at the table amongst any other type of worker. I’m good at what I do–providing day-to-day care for my children–and the benefit brought to myself and my family has been immeasurable.
The judgment faced by influencers is uncomfortably familiar to me, as it is tangled with the judgment surrounding stay-at-home moms…
And yet, despite that confidence gained as a stay-at-home mom, it has been a big hurdle for me to share my work as an influencer with my closest family and friends. I’m afraid I’ll come across as self-absorbed, or foolish for spending time on something we’re told again and again is unimportant and frivolous. “Oh, it’s nothing really, just a bunch of pictures of playgrounds” is how I attempt to save face before quickly changing the subject.
Mom Influencers as Community Builders
Regrettably, by downplaying what I have created, I’m undermining its value. The positive impact made on my local community of moms through my Instagram account felt immediate. I’m still blown away by women in my community who take the time to send me messages: that they finally felt confident enough to take their toddler and baby to the splash pad on their own, that they met the nicest family walking a trail I had mentioned, that their kids loved the castle playground as much as mine. Others in my community have been inspired to make their own accounts, showcasing the kids’ area of local libraries or family friendly restaurants, both of which I frequently check when I need a last-minute idea.
Reflecting now, the positive impact of building my account was even more profound to me. Most notably, I’ve solidified my sense of belonging in my community. It has become natural for me to chat with the librarians at our library, learn from the maintenance crews at the conservation areas, and initiate meetups with other moms. At my son’s fourth birthday party, two of his guests were friends made through my Instagram account. My confidence in my own parenting skills has grown tenfold as I’ve learned to handle bee stings, tick bites, and wipe outs on the go. Best of all, I have had the most fun in years living out my life the way I had always imagined motherhood to be.
As a burgeoning influencer, I have had the most fun in years living out my life the way I had always imagined motherhood to be.
Shaheen agrees that the immense benefit to her life is what keeps her in the profession.
“I get to work from home half of my week. I get to pick my kids up, I get to participate in their lives and go to stuff in school with them that I never would be able to do otherwise,” she said. “Anytime I get frustrated with it, or stressed out, I have to remind myself how much I enjoy it. I enjoy being creative. I enjoy talking with people. I’ve connected with so many women after having my kids through IVF, people seeing the doctors I've been to, having babies. It's really life changing… It means something to me that people trust me. It's very fulfilling.”
So to the influencers who kept me company in the early days when I felt so alone, and to all mommy influencers aiming to monetize their challenging work, hold your head high. Working in a way that not only has potential to generate revenue; that builds communities, empowers other moms, fulfills creative needs, and makes room for home life is most certainly worth standing up for.
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