When Poor Sleep Interferes With Parenthood, Part-Time Work, & Everything In Between

When fractured sleep meant I was missing work deadlines and dreading time with my kids, I knew something had to change. A sleep specialist came to my rescue with five expert tips for better rest.

Since the early days of the pandemic, my children have morphed into bedtime boomerangs—which is to say they drift off to sleep in their own rooms, only to spring out of them soon after. Through the uncertainty of that time, my husband and I let plenty slide in the sleep department, the most regrettable being allowing our youngest to snuggle in between us. A habit she has yet to shake at 4 years old.

Last night, for instance, my daughter stretched out like a starfish in the center of the bed, leaving my husband and I clinging to opposite ends of the mattress. Other nights, we have suffered little slaps and mighty kicks as she has roiled and flailed through sleep cycles. Once, she succeeded at sleeping through the night in her own room—only to surprise us with a 3 a.m. alarm she had managed to secretly set the day before.

I learned that there are sleep debts even an espresso machine cannot pay. I was short-tempered and exhausted, turning down invites to build pillow forts and head out on scooter rides.

From my sweet little one, I learned that there are sleep debts even an espresso machine cannot pay. I was short-tempered and exhausted, turning down invites to build pillow forts and head out on scooter rides. And when it came to my part-time job as a writer and editor, there were deadlines I simply overlooked in my bleary-eyed state. Needless to say, no one in my family had slept so poorly since my youngest was a newborn, and something had to change. 

So I reached out to Carleara Weiss, PhD, MS, RN, a sleep science advisor in New York, for expert advice on surviving this exhausted season of parenthood. While we worked to remedy the bad habits we developed with our little one, we needed simple, actionable steps to feel less like zombies—and a bit more like ourselves—during the day.

Here’s what Dr. Weiss recommended for recovering from a night of fitful, spotty sleep. Armed with her advice, I’m hopeful that every stay-at-home mom among us can find her way to better rest—and more play and enjoyment in the day-to-day!

Meet the Expert

• Carleara Weiss, PhD, MS, RN: Sleep science advisor in New York City.

5 Expert Tips for Surviving on Fractured Sleep

1. First, Understand Your Sleep 

Too many times I have stood over a steaming cup of coffee counting the hours of sleep I clocked the night before, adding a few hours here and some there. The closer my calculations got to the prescribed 7 to 8 hours of sleep, the more I wondered, But why am I still so tired? It turns out, catching your zzz’s piecemeal hardly makes for a restful and restorative night’s sleep. As Dr. Weiss explains, fragmenting your sleep cycles doesn’t allow you to reap the physical, mental, and emotional benefits a proper night’s sleep provides. When it comes to good sleep, sure quantity matters—but so does quality. 

2. Power Nap

When you wake in the morning bone tired, Dr. Weiss prescribes the most delicious-sounding antidote: a 30-minute power nap. When taken early in the day, a short nap has the power to restore and refresh—without disrupting your nighttime sleep later on. Of course, with children on the loose, a nap may sound like a distant dream, but hear me out. While the littles are at daycare or school, or perhaps even catching up on screen time, curling up on the couch to rest your eyes is a perfect way to reset for the day. 

3. Play With Light Exposure 

Dr. Weiss recommends that parents pair their child’s sleep training with simple behavioral interventions for themselves, like adjusting exposure to light throughout the day. At night, she advises avoiding bright lights, as they carry the potential to suppress melatonin production and keep us awake. Getting up for nighttime diaper changes or feeding sessions with a baby? Then Dr. Weiss suggests keeping the lights as dim as possible. “This will also help establish a strong circadian rhythm for the baby,” she adds. 

Likewise, during the day, Dr. Weiss encourages parents to increase their exposure to bright lights—particularly in the first hour you wake for the day. “The light will help ‘shut down’ any residual melatonin from the previous night and tell your brain that it is time to be awake,” she explains. 

There are times when stress becomes all-consuming. And when anxiety soars, so too do sleep disruptions and insomnia.

4. Establish a Schedule

Dr. Weiss acknowledges that for parents of newborns, this advice may be complicated. “However, parents of toddlers and preschoolers should invest their energy in a routine with well-established times for sleep, waking up, playtime, and eating,” she says. “Consistency is key for circadian rhythms and helps the brain organize vital functions and hormonal regulations for wellness and sleep around these times, for parents and kids.” 

5. Create a Bedtime Routine—for You

There are times when stress becomes all-consuming. And when anxiety soars, so too do sleep disruptions and insomnia, says Dr. Weiss. “After your kids are sleeping, take time to take a warm shower, dim the lights, and unwind from the stressful day,” she advises. “These behavioral changes will promote the relaxation needed to achieve better sleep quality.” 

From the frequent wakings of newborns to the clingy nighttime visits of preschoolers, it seems only natural to reach this dismal conclusion: parents are in for a lifetime of perpetual exhaustion. But with some gentle resetting for your little one, and this expert advice for your own recovery, we say a confident not so—and wish you many restful nights ahead!

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