3 Career Break Lessons Helping Me In My Return To Work
I announced a dream realized this past week, but it was a long game. Writing a book has been a dream of mine for the past seven years as I’ve studied modern mothers on career breaks and grown this community. But building a platform while on my own career pause—and wanting to focus on my kids—meant that I had to be patient and trust that the right moment for me, my family, and culture would come. I’m so happy to say that the time is now. I’m writing the book!
In the weeks leading up to the announcement, as more people grew involved, confidantes asked if I still saw myself in the gray area. For those new to Mother Untitled, the gray area is the vast in-between space I've long said blurs the edges of the antiquated notions of the stay-at-home and working mother. The answer is I do. I have the privilege to choose to. My work is self-determined, and I still consider much of my work inside the home. And my work outside of the home is better for the extra time with my family, and my family is better for the time I spend in this community. And so, I choose the messy in-between over and over again.
Yes, I'm running a small business and writing a book, but no, I don't work 9-5 M-F. I work during school hours, and on two days, I have extra afternoon help from a babysitter to give me block scheduled workdays. Sometimes I tap my parents, in-laws, or my husband to step in when this childcare puzzle isn't enough. The rest of the work trickles into hidden pockets of time found in bathrooms or walking to pick up or as the kids watch their evening show. And I know, like so many things in parenting, that this schedule is both fluid and fleeting. By the summer, there'll be summer camp and, in the fall, back to school, a false advertisement for productive Septembers because of belabored phase in routines. I know this, and I accept this because I've learned the discomfort is all passing, but the moments where I get to be present for something special or even ordinary have made me feel more fulfilled than any other dream.
So, the question became how I hold onto the calm I've cultivated in the six years focused solely on family life as I re-orient to more paid work.
That being said, the timing was right for my family, culture, and community, and I felt ready for more investment. And the nature of a book deal with an excellent agent, co-writer, and editor and a small but mighty Mother Untitled team of freelancers and a community of women that is growing is that I am more accountable, and I want to give it more headspace and time. This became crystal clear to me over the fall and early part of this winter as I grappled with a more significant workload, more e-mails, and deadlines. So, the question became how I hold onto the calm I've cultivated in the six years focused solely on family life with a project alongside as I re-orient to more paid work.
Navigating the transition to work out of the home will be an ongoing conversation, but here's what I've got so far in the way of skills I developed in my career pause that I am committed to bringing with me on my career return:
3 lessons from my career pause
Embrace what is for now, accept what's not for right now, and trust it's a long game.
In my career pause that meant slowly planting the seeds for this work in the fringe hours, watching other people move fast, trusting what was working for my family right now, and trusting my time would come.
Now, it means that I have to explain to my kids that there will be days, even if just a couple each week, that they won't see me until dinner time. It means that sometimes goodbyes feel a bit more tender as a result. And I accept this is part of the messy in-between and it will shift again. But for now, this year will shape us and lead us to where and who we're meant to be next.
Letting go of ego in favor of ease and enjoyment.
In my career pause that meant granting myself the freedom from having everyone understand my decisions and focusing on what I knew was uniquely right for right now.
I'm thinking about this as I pick and choose what DMs to respond to, what copy-cat posts (a sad reality of internet content) to lose sleep over, or even the desire to build and create Mother Untitled all by myself. Letting in more people, starting with our thoughtful editorial director, Lizzie, who runs all things on site or my brilliant co-writer, Julia, on the book helps this platform grow because it makes it more enjoyable, easeful, and simply better.
Resist the cultural focus on going bigger and always focusing on what comes next.
In a country where bigger has been oft deemed better, the goalposts always feel like they're moving. I still choose fewer, better.
I have a small team of women I admire who exist in the gray area, and who contribute their time and talent to Mother Untitled. Their time and mine are precious, which is motherhood's most beautiful lesson. I believe in slow and steady because it's intentional. But more than believing in it, I trust this pace. And I hope that wherever you are in this process, whether you are new to a career pause or just starting to add meaningful projects to your life as a lead parent, trust your evolution. One day when you look back, the journey will all make sense.
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Featured Image by Yumi Matsuo
