The Key to Working From Home With Kids? Independent Play. Here's How to Encourage It.
Consider this your totally doable guide to creating a kids-only playtime—one that serves both you and your little one. Straight from an expert, we show you how to support independent play at home.
During the baby years, there’s a delicious freedom to be found in nap time. With a little one snoozing soundly, suddenly the afternoon ripens with possibility. Shower, garden, hop on a conference call—the time is yours to spend as you please.
Of course, nap time in my home is now a distant and sweet memory—one in which I’d rush from crib to computer to knock out my writing work each day. When my girls were finally through with napping, I found myself at a loss, scrambling to meet deadlines with two little kids underfoot.
But as the saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention—and for this mother, with her unanswered emails and growing to-do list, independent play revealed itself as the solution. In other words, I incidentally set the expectation that for small stretches, if my kids were to have any fun at all, they’d have to make it for themselves. And by some stroke of luck, they did.
What Is Independent Play?
Independent play describes those moments when your child dives into play on their own, without ongoing instruction from a caregiver or input from a playmate. Whether they’re building towers out of blocks or imaginary worlds with figurines, kids who engage in play independently are better primed for creativity, confidence, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.¹ The short story? Empowering children to play alone is a muscle worth strengthening.
Ready to get started? We brought in Lizzie Assa, a parenting strategist, play expert, and founder of The Workspace for Children, an online treasure trove of play resources for kids. Below, Lizzie shares a completely manageable guide to encouraging a kids-only playtime in your home—one that benefits both you and your little one.
Meet the Expert
Lizzie Assa, MSEd.: A parenting strategist, independent play expert, and founder of The Workspace for Children.
How to Teach Kids to Play Independently
Working Past Guilt and Getting Started
“Even young babies can play independently when we, the adults, give them ample opportunity to do so. I always recommend that parents start by thinking about why they want their children to develop independent play skills. Is it because they want to raise creative self-starters? Is it because they need time when they are not entertaining their kids? Is it because they value down-time as a family? Having a clear why will help parents when their kids push back and want to be entertained. Parental guilt and societal messages play a large role in getting in the way of successful independent play routines and contribute to parental burnout. It is not your job to entertain your child 24/7. In doing so, you are robbing them of many opportunities for them to discover who they are and what they are interested in!
It is not your job to entertain your child 24/7. In doing so, you are robbing them of many opportunities for them to discover who they are and what they are interested in!
“Once a solid ‘why’ is established, start where you are! Your child can be an infant or an eight-year-old. It is never too early or too late.
For young babies, make sure they are in a safe place like their crib. Allow them a few extra moments when they wake to play in their crib, stretch, and find their shadow. During the day, try placing them on a blanket on the floor, in front of a mirror while you do your own thing. Let them get comfortable with entertaining themselves.”
Source: Nathan Dumlao
The Benefits of Independent Play—And Why You Should Schedule It
“Independent play has so many long term benefits for children and families, such as developing problem-solving skills, growing confidence, and giving kids the chance to flex their imaginations. Despite this, independent play is treated as an afterthought. If it is a priority, schedule it like any other important skill and your children will become experts at independent play.
If it is a priority, schedule it like any other important skill and your children will become experts at independent play.
When the adult is completely committed to building an independent play routine, and they decide to hold space for their child to practice frequently, many children will play for an hour or more. When parents want their child to excel at piano, they set up lessons and commit themselves to making sure their child practices frequently. At first, the child may only be able to play for a few minutes before becoming tired or frustrated. Over time, they practice for 30 minutes a day. Even when the children push back, the parents are invested in the outcome—that their child learns how to play the piano. The same can be true for independent play.”
Creating the Right Play Space (Hint: Think Small)
“Less is more! Think about heading into a crowded grocery store. It can be hard to focus. You grab things you don’t really want or need from the shelves. You might end up with a cart full of groceries and still have nothing planned for dinner! The experience is not pleasant, nor do you look forward to going back next week.
Now think about a gourmet grocer that is tailored to your preferences. The shelves hold fewer choices, and they are exactly what you were looking for. You feel inspired and start coming up with dinner ideas right away. You leave the store with a cart filled with what you need and you feel relaxed and ready to prepare a meal for your family.
When your child walks into a crowded play area with too many toys, they often become overwhelmed. They play for a few moments and then lose focus.
When your child walks into a crowded play area with too many toys, they often become overwhelmed. They play for a few moments and then lose focus.
[So], think about which materials your child really uses and which items really hold their interest. Remove the rest for now. A few animals or people, a shelf with magnetic tiles, and some books curated to your child’s interests are more than enough. You can always add things back, but start lean. It is like magic.”
Making It Work When Your Kids Are Used to Playing With You
“Start by intentionally giving your child 10 minutes of connection time—that means your phone is off. Read a book together, or have a snack and really focus on your child. After their attention bucket is full, it will feel easier for them to play without you.
If your child is used to having you play side-by-side, this will be hard for them at first. They might be used to being entertained instead of playing out their own ideas. Tell them, ‘Instead of how we usually play, we are trying a new kind of playing. Right now it is your turn to play all by yourself. You set up your ideas, and start to play. After dinner we can play together and you’ll show me what you built!’
Remember, it is normal and necessary for kids to push these new boundaries. It doesn't mean they can't play alone. It means they are learning how. Learning new skills is hard and they'll look to you to see if you are really going to follow through.”
Read More:
How Real Moms Make School Mornings Easier
References:
¹ Independent Play can Boost Confidence, Creativity, and So Much More. Pathways. Accessed 4/2/2023.
Editor’s note: This story was originally published in 2021, but has been updated for timeliness.
