The Self-Care Every Mom Needs—But Likely Isn’t Getting

By Rachel Werner

The ‘artist date’ is about remembering what really feeds your creative soul–because everyone, even the busiest of moms, has one.

Source: dusan jovic for Unsplash

Artistic Replenishment. It’s not a buzz word yet, but I promise the concept is already trending. At least it is in my house, where creativity reigns supreme for both the resident kid and adult. Yes, I do write to pay the bills, but my mental health is equally well-served by sketching, word art, and photography—merely for pleasure.

You will usually find me engaging in these activities without my daughter. It’s a deliberate choice I feel zero guilt about, because I believe moms need playtime too. Even if our activity of choice is one we could be doing with our children, by no means, do we always need to include them. Sometimes, the most restorative thing we can do for ourselves is to embark on an artist date, ASAP. 

And no, that’s not the next night out with your partner, girlfriends, or Bumble match. Rather it’s an excursion you enjoy solo as a form of creative self-care. I have now been treating myself to these moments for almost three years. This concept first cropped up on my radar while I was doing Julia Cameron’s self-guided course The Artist's Way.

I spent a few months working my way through many of the objectives and activities she recommends throughout the book, such as taking yourself on "artist dates," which can be anything from visiting a favorite (or new-to-you) museum, sketching in a cafe with a delectable latte or pastry at your side, or luxuriously browsing vintage vinyl records, clothing, or home decor shops, etc.

The artist date is about remembering what really feeds your creative soul–because the basic premise of Cameron’s book is that everyone has one. Elizabeth Gilbert affirms this notion in Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, asserting that there’s much to be learned by creating “for the sake of creating.” Especially, because as women, we are often hyper-focused on the needs of everyone but ourselves—silently emaciating our creative souls to the point of non-existence.

How to Make Time for a Creative Hobby as a Stay-at-Home Mom

This is a state many mothers (myself once included) find themselves stuck in during those first few years of having littles attached to us seemingly any hour of the day or night: We simply can’t find time alone. So, if carving out a couple hours of free time for yourself at another locale is a nearly insurmountable feat most days, you can replicate similar experiences at home by starting a painting, jotting down poetry, or practicing a monologue while the kiddo is napping.

Fifteen minutes of arts-related alone time daily adds up to 105 minutes per week. Take a moment to recall the last time you allowed yourself the freedom to engage in recreation you genuinely adore for that long unaccompanied–plus perhaps while several piles of laundry are waiting to be folded.

Fifteen minutes of arts-related alone time daily adds up to 105 minutes per week.

However you answered the question, let me confirm having neatly-put-away clothing can wait. Same for doing the dishes. As mothers, we always find a way to get done what needs to be done. Thus, whip out a pen or the oil pastels whenever inspiration next strikes. In fact, I totally rejuvenated my love of writing when my, now tween, was a toddler. I would stay awake for a couple of hours after I got her down for the night, pouring my hopes and frustrations into rambling, oft-hilarious essays that very few people would ever read. 

What I didn’t realize then was that even though the product was not necessarily valuable, the process most certainly was. I began to remember that, not only am I good at writing, but I actually loved it as well. That became a twinkle of an insight which grew to illuminate a whole new career path before me.

If you had told me ten years ago I would be a successful freelancer, creative writing teacher, and published author, I would never have been able to catch a whiff of it through the mound of dirty cloth diapers clamoring for my attention. 

Making space for a creative outlet changed my life for the better by helping me gradually to regain my sense of self, purpose, and financial stability. So, do not buy into the false belief that giving yourself permission to play is frivolous. The truth is quite the opposite: It is empowering. It is healing. It truly can be magic.

Read More:

Why You Shouldn’t Let a Lack of Training Hold You Back From Your Creative Dreams

Rachel Werner is a teaching artist for Hugo House, The Loft Literary Center, and Lighthouse Writers Workshop, in addition to being the founder of The Little Book Project WI.

Editor’s note: This story was first published in 2022, but has been updated for timeliness.