How 5 Creative Moms Push Past Self-Doubt & Ease Imposter Syndrome
Five mothers balancing creative work and parenthood share their go-to moves for pushing past self-doubt so they can press forward on their goals
I feel like self-doubt happens far more often than I would like to admit. When I’m feeling low, I like to make space to reconnect with myself. Oftentimes this involves turning off social media, going for a long walk, or doing something nice like buying my favorite flowers. Reflecting on my past work is also a huge confidence booster. It’s helpful to look back and remember that many of my accomplishments were only dreams five years ago.
It’s helpful to look back and remember that many of my accomplishments were only dreams five years ago.
More from Carrie: Instagram | MU Interview
It is such a vulnerable thing to be an artist. We are constantly questioning if the work we are putting out in the world is resonating with others, and external validation is par for the course. It is easy to look around and wish your career was at a certain level or that you'd hit a milestone you see another artist hitting. Truly though, making art comes from a deep desire to be an artist, not just to make objects to sell or for that outside validation (although those things are great when they come my way!).
It’s easy to look around and wish your career was at a certain level or that you'd hit a milestone you see another artist hitting.
I am an artist because I want to spend my time making art, and I want to live a long life as an artist and have a career that is sustained by my love for art and my commitment to it. Short term success and shiny moments are truly less appealing to me than cultivating a sustainable practice that fuels my soul… Jealousy does not cripple me because my motivation for my practice is not rooted in rewards, accolades or achievements. When I am struggling, I ground myself in my values and my motivations for being an artist and that usually sets my heart and mind back in the right place.
Having imposter syndrome is a constant struggle because my non-traditional background excludes formal interior design education.
I remind myself that I am not alone in the non-traditional background. Detours and exits on a journey to a destination should be expected and shifting my perspective to find gifts in the unexpected and celebrate every beautiful design I come across as inspiration helps me not compare myself to others. I believe that we all have unique talents to share with the world.
For the extra tough days, a private exercise I do is to affirm the "why,” as in why am I doing this? Because I love it, people have asked me to do it, someone is willing to pay for it, and I'm good at it.
For the extra tough days, a private exercise I do is affirm the "why,” as in why am I doing this? Because I love it, people have asked me to do it, someone is willing to pay for it, and I'm good at it. Then when that doesn't work and I need more mojo, I lean on my business partner, Kristin, or my husband, Alan for words of affirmation. It's important to always hold close a group of trustworthy, strong, and supportive peers. Then if plan B doesn't work... I go for the ice cream.
One of the things I struggled with is the long lead time in publishing. It took over a year and a half for Banyan Moon to be published, and in that time span, there was a lot of time for me to overthink! I worried that my story wouldn't hold up, or that perhaps someone would publish a book sooner that tackles the same themes. Publishing is such a comparative industry, and so much of a book's success or failure may be due to its timing, a factor we authors can't really control. Those anxious thoughts can be incapacitating if you let them take over.
One thing that has always helped me is that old adage we tell kids: Keep your eyes on your own paper. Meaning, you have to find a way to ignore the noise…
But one thing that has always helped me is that old adage we tell kids: Keep your eyes on your own paper. Meaning, you have to find a way to ignore the noise around you to focus on your own journey and what you're creating. I've had to shake a lot of my comparative impulses and lean inward to trust my voice and my ability to tell the story in a distinctive way that will (hopefully) resonate. Lots of gorgeous books came out in the past year; many of them did tackle similar themes as my book (motherhood, inheritance, generational violence). But none of them are Banyan Moon.
Sometimes, ignoring the outside voices meant that I had to take a social media break. Other times, I reread my own writing, trying to see it as a fresh reader would. Most times, though, there was no real shortcut. I just had to feel the worry, acknowledge it to a trusted friend or therapist, then let it go. Uncertainty is part of being a creative, but I'm trying to see it as a strength, rather than a pure weakness. Uncertainty can push you to see the world through different points of view, testing hypotheticals, and giving voice to vulnerabilities that help connect us all.
More from Thao: Instagram | Website | Preorder her novel
Self-doubt is an old friend of mine! But I believe it is part of the process of creating and trying new things. It can nudge and push us forward, but we should not let it linger too long. I always try to acknowledge it is there and understand why I'm feeling this way. Many times, it's just the impostor syndrome creeping up or the comparison trap. So I try to remember to stay in my own lane. Everyone has different paths and starting points, and we are not all heading in the same direction. Understanding why I do what I do and what my priorities are is fundamental to keep me grounded, especially now, when we are bombarded by the best versions of everyone else's lives through social media.
I'm very protective of my creative space. I try not to spend too long scrolling on social media or looking at other artists' work.
The beauty of creative work is that it will always be unique to you, but I'm very protective of my creative space. I try not to spend too long scrolling on social media or looking at other artists' work. I also don't share work on social media that is still incubating and need dark and silence to fully become what it wants to become.
Listening to music, being around nature and animals, moving my body, talking it through with a trusted friend or writing it all down, are always helpful ways to shake these feelings and get back to my centre. I think it's important to allow these emotions to occupy their space so we can acknowledge them and move forward.
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