Erin Erenberg | A Lawyer On Identity Crisis, Maintaining Friendships & Reality of Solo Entrepreneurship
by Neha Ruch
I met Erin Erenberg among friends dispersing from a group photo at the Riveter conference (remember large events?). It was the end of day and rushed but she had this combination of sharp and soft that I admired instantly. I later got to know her path from Duke to law to motherhood and finding her way to her own business, Totum, designed to support mothers stay whole through all the transitions. Erin gives words to the back and forth career identity crisis after her first child and all the phases, how she makes community happen - even virtually - and how she’s protecting boundaries as the reality of solo entrepreneurship creep in. Learn from Erin as I have, below!
You and I have connected on a similar path from a traditional accomplished career to family life and entrepreneurship. What shift did you make to make room for motherhood and how have those choices served you?
Not one to play with babydolls as a child, babysit as a teen, or plan my life around my biological clock, I was not prepared for how much I'd love becoming a mother for the first time. So I hadn't made any room for motherhood. I accepted the 12 weeks unpaid leave my employer offered at the time, and I figured I'd feel into it. When I loved being a mother and felt so much purpose as I crossed over into motherhood, I had a real identity crisis. I felt like a "bad feminist" giving up a big promotion at my firm at the time, and I felt like I was abandoning my truest instincts to go back to work. I ended up abandoning myself, and I learned the danger of that the hard way.
From there, I ended up leaving my job entirely, then shifting into part time work, then back into full time, then back to part time, until finally I followed my heart and launched Totum. Solo entrepreneurship hasn't been easy by any stretch, but it's allowed me to call the shots and put our family first.
Relationships and community are an anchor of Totum. How do you make and nurture friendships in this stage of life?
For quite a while now, I've known that friendship with women is central to my sense of self. I'm not someone who's into cliques, and I've collected friends with such a varied spectrum of backgrounds and interests. I also pride myself in choosing wisely and keeping up with my dearest friends. From childhood neighbors to friends from my brief high school SKA phase to college roommates to mom friends, I cherish them all and find ways to check in. I also feel like my friends become an internalized part of who I am. In that way, when I'm back in touch with an old friend, it never feels awkward. I kind of recall them somewhere inside, and it feels like the do the same with me, too.
I think I seek out women who share values of loyalty, empathy, honesty, intelligence and a good sense of humor. I'm not myself without my girlfriends, and even in this pandemic I've stayed rooted to old friends by scheduling regular time to go on walks or runs while talking with them. When we were deep into shelter-in-place orders, I relied a lot on apps like Voxer and WhatsApp voice memos to hear from my girls in a fluid way, as scheduling time to talk felt like another thing "to do". I also have a local friend with whom I work out outside every Monday and Friday, via Facetime with a trainer friend from Los Angeles! That's one of my favorite meta-self-care experiences every week.
Totum is an incredible platform that you've grown alongside motherhood. When do you make room for creativity and work in your days? What help allows you that room?
Sadly, I've lost a lot of the boundaries I'd held so close before the pandemic. My ideal daily schedule is to work from 9-2:30 every day and spend the rest of the time present with the kids, in whatever form that takes. I joke that I have this Betty Crocker side wherein I love to cook, bake, nest, and be on my domestic grind. It gives me a lot of joy to make dinner, do homework with the kids, give them their baths, and cuddle/read before bed. But lately, work has taken on a sort of all-consuming nature that I don't like at all. In fact, I'm adjusting our entire business model to make sure I have better boundaries.
Self-care sounds cliche to some but I know you and Totum believe in the power in it to show up. What habits, products or routines give you that reboot? When do you make time for them?
When I'm properly looking out for myself, I'm getting up early (5AM) running or moving my body before 9AM, showering, and then starting my day. I also take a Ritual vitamin and Seed probiotic every single day. (totum10 for 10% off ritual, but it's really absolutely true I love and take them every day)
Moving is the real key for me, above all. I think much more clearly and feel less overrun by feelings of anxiety when I move my body in the morning.
I also like to talk to a friend or my mom once a day, even if it's super brief.
Oh, I'm also a sucker for baths and tea. I like to get off of my phone and get grounded before bed. If I'm buzzing around from scrolling into the evening, I'm off on a very bad foot.
I adore your honesty about personal work - is there a block that you’re working through and anything you read/did/listened to that helped?
I'm working through a block around doing too much. It's really difficult as a solo entrepreneur. There are times when critical things aren't finished, and I'm obsessed with seeing things through. Recently, I've devised a new business plan and approach with the help of Erin Halper of The Upside, and I cannot wait until I am executing inside that model. I highly recommend her to any mom who's looking to get paid and to have more clarity and better boundaries.
Quick Chit Chat:
+ Product you'd gift every mother
Totum Talks Annual Pass - for real - a whole year of support with award-winning experts and thought leaders who serve modern moms
+ Favorite family ritual or routine that keeps things smooth
This is the key underneath all the other strategies: I finally asked for help. The belief I held that I didn't deserve help, especially from my husband, unless I was making lots of money, was really imprisoning me.
+ Most meaningful marriage advice/learning
Share what's eating you, ask for support in a vulnerable way. I always think of RBG, who said, "Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one's ability to persuade."
+ 3 Instagram accounts that inspire you
@prepandrally @she_sepuede @bstereo
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