Why We're Hiring Help After Two Kids

When my oldest was born, I received a lot of advice about hiring a full-time nanny to support our home and family. But it didn’t take me long to realize that—during that season—full-time support didn’t feel quite right. As a new mother, I felt protective of my time and space with my baby. But later, when I returned to work part-time doing brand consulting, I hired a regular babysitter two days per week. For over two years, this caregiver was exactly what our family needed, and her presence allowed me to nurture my career alongside motherhood.

Of course, family life is always in flux, and when our babysitter moved out of the city, it gave us a chance to intentionally re-evaluate our needs. From the time we brought this wonderful caregiver into our home to the moment she left us, a lot had changed. Our family had grown from one to two children, and they were at different developmental stages with their own unique needs. Not to mention that a year into motherhood, I started planting the seeds for Mother Untitled, needing odd hours here and there to grow this movement sustainably.

But perhaps the biggest shift during this time was learning to care for myself—carving small pockets of time away from the responsibilities of parenting to tend to my own needs. I’ve come to understand and value taking care of myself and my marriage, which in turn makes our family stronger. So while my firstborn had my undivided attention, by the time my second came along, I realized I was more apt to restructure our village to support our home and family as we grew, evolved, and changed together.

I hear from so many mothers and caregivers in the Mother Untitled community, wrestling with the question of whether to hire help or arrange for childcare that works for them. Like the younger version of me, you may discover that a few hours here and there is all the support that makes sense during this time. Or, maybe you’re ready and financially prepared to bring someone on full-time.

Here’s how my husband and I approached the question of whether it was time to hire help for two kids.

Observation mode

I started making note of the things, big and small, that throw wrinkles in our day. Simultaneously, while I had the privilege of having my mother and a baby nurse, I noted where they added the greatest value: Emptying the dishwasher in the morning. Managing the endless loads of the baby’s laundry. Getting dinner prepared and on the table for my son, so I can be on the floor playing with him until the last minute and he doesn’t end up eating Dr. Praeger’s for the fifth night in the row. Entertaining or calming one of the kids while I’m with the other. Tidying the toys so that my mental state is intact.

Letting Go

When you’ve shifted your whole career to be present with the kids, it can be very hard to let go of all those little jobs that all seem to fall under “my job”. Not so dissimilar from the immense amount of ego once wrapped up in my title and my salary prior to parenting, I was able to extract a fair amount of pride and accomplishment in being able to care for my home and family. But like paid roles, if you have the the resources, teams can make you more efficient and healthier. I spent several weeks accepting that our home would only be calmer when I’m more calm.  And that our kids will feel just as secure and loved having an extra hand in our home besides me. And that just because a nanny two days a week worked at one point, our needs evolved and likely, they will evolve again.

Just because a nanny two days a week worked at one point, our needs evolved and likely, they will evolve again.

Research

I did a combination of reading (Tammy Gold’s Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer), sifting through local online mom’s groups (on Facebook), and interviewing referrals to start to assemble the ideal caregiver for our kids. Sometimes it felt excessive, but I slowly fine-tuned my expectations. Initially I found it quite jarring meeting with nannies who were used to ruling the roost. It was enough to turn me off again on the ideal of more help. I quickly learned I needed someone who was more open to working in tandem with a work-from-home mom. Second, I realized I’m quite happy handling both my kids, except for tricky times like drop off or meals and bedtime routines. So I needed someone who could be useful to our family with other things like cooking and cleaning. Based on that, I kept adjusting my job description for interviews to more of a Mother’s Helper or Housekeeper/Caregiver role. I didn’t feel quite settled until I met the first person who felt squarely centered in what we needed. 

Timing & Transitions

For us, we didn’t want full-time help right away, especially as our beloved babysitter was transitioning out. To do right by her for all she did for us, I wanted to keep her hours intact. For a period, I wanted someone part-time to augment those set babysitting hours and grow familiar with our children.

Finally, I opened up a lot of conversations about the topic. I reached out to my friends to ask what works in their houses or for their ideas and recommendations. Discussion about help can feel taboo, but the idea that we’re all staying healthy and creative and keeping our kids and homes happy without support can feel like an unattainable myth, unless we open up and give each other permission to ask or admit to the help we need or crave.

Read More:

I’m a Better Mom When I’m Working—Here’s How I Found Acceptance