4 Parenting Strategies for an Easier, Calmer Holiday Season

Embracing

Nov 22

Written By Jay Van Dyke - Top Rated Squarespace Web Designer in New Jersey

The primary parent’s toolkit for navigating the holiday season with peace and ease.

For lead parents in particular, the holiday season brings with it a host of stresses—as if we needed more priorities to top our to-do lists. But in between all the party-planning, gift-giving, and merry-making, we find our little ones still need all the presence and care children need every other day of the year. After all, it’s not like meltdowns and power struggles take time off for the holidays.

What’s more, there’s even evidence to suggest that the anxiety and overwhelm we bring to the festivities this time of year have potential to chip away at the joy our kids experience during the holidays.⁽¹⁾ All this to say that no one needs to be weighed down by additional stress this time of year.

So, how can moms find peace and calm over the holidays—and all throughout the year? The answer may lie in a philosophical approach to caregiving called gentle parenting.

Meet the Expert

Rachael Fritz: Parenting coach and founder of Parenting on Mars, an online resource for parents interested in creating a positive and authentic way of parenting. Mother to three young children, former preschool teacher, and seasoned professional of a national education nonprofit.

What Is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle parenting is a parenting method that centers conscious, connected caregiving. It really means just one thing: parenting in a way that builds a securely attached relationship between child and caregiver. Research shows that securely attached children have success in all aspects of their lives, including emotionally, academically, and socially.⁽ ²⁾ For parents who want to make parenting choices that lead to this outcome, the process is very parent-centric.

A Toolkit for Parenting With More Ease During the Holidays

Implementing the gentle parenting approach takes time—and you don’t have to tackle every strategy at once. Instead, set an intention to focus on just one of these methods for one day. When the day is through, give yourself some time for self-reflection.

This holiday season when family tensions run high, practice these four gentle parenting strategies to bring back a sense of ease.

1. Try Out Play-Based Parenting

Play-based parenting is so powerful because play is already our children’s language. Gentle parenting is never about control, rather it’s about approaching conflict as a team. That being said, cooperation is key—even though granting it may be tough for kids.

Consider this scenario: Your child is worn-out from a day of cookie decorating with cousins. When it comes time to get ready for bed, they refuse to change into pajamas. Sure, you’re frustrated, but taking a playful approach may be the ticket to getting your child on board with the bedtime routine.

Try this: “Oh goodness, I just had an idea! What if these pjs gave us magical powers? What magical power would you want? Oh, yes! To fly! That would be so exciting. What else can we think of?”

Outcome: This method captures your child’s attention. They begin to step into their pajamas, and you’ve managed to avoid a power struggle and nourish your connection through play.

2. Repair After a Conflict or Mistake

Repair matters because we are human and we make mistakes in our relationships—even in those we have with our children. Recognizing and repairing is a gift to both you and your child. It can take a day that feels derailed by big emotions and lead it back on track. The act of repairing also teaches your child that when they make a mistake, not all is lost. Repair is possible and relationships continue.

Repair matters because we are human and we make mistakes in our relationships—even in those we have with our children.

Consider this scenario: Your little one is playing with their food during a holiday party and they’re making a mess. Let’s say you tell your child to stop. Maybe you give warnings or threaten to take their food away. But the behavior continues and your frustration mounts. Finally, you’re face-to-face with your annoyance and overwhelm and slam your hand on the table. Your child jumps, and you make a show of sliding their plate full of food into the sink. Your little one cries (and you probably feel like crying, too).

Try this: Take time to regulate on your own with some personal resourcing—drinking cold water, taking some deep breaths, etc. Then, recognize your behavior, apologize for it, and say what you will do differently next time.

Here’s the important part: don’t call attention to your child’s undesirable behavior during the repair. The key is to resist the urge to blame our mistakes on our children. While their behavior may have been inappropriate in your home and counter to your family values, it’s our role as adults to parent in a way that is non-violent in action and words.

Outcome: You’ve re-established your connection with your child. After the repair (perhaps later in the evening or the next day before mealtime), it is absolutely appropriate to teach your child table manners or reset on mealtime expectations. You may also choose to offer support at mealtime to help your child meet those expectations.

3. Practice Active & Reflective Listening

Active and reflective listening offers a way to build connection in any relationship. When we are intentional about actively listening and reflecting with our children, we not only nurture our relationship, but we allow our child to be seen and feel understood. This can shift the mood of the moment in mere minutes!

Consider this scenario: You’re running late for a family event, and you’re trying to get three kids out the door. Your middle child begins to tell you something by saying, “Mom. Mom. Guess what. Mom.” In most moments you might say, “Pal, I can’t right now. I have to get your sister dressed.”

By taking a minute to devote to active listening, you’ve strengthened your connection with your child and you’ve increased the likelihood of cooperation….

Try this: Instead, you walk up to your child and you kneel down so you’re eye-level. You say, “What is it, buddy?” Then you listen. You don’t interrupt and you tune into everything he is telling you. Then, after giving him time to fully express, you reflect by saying, “Wow! Your class gets an ice cream party on Friday. You sound so excited!” Maybe you add that you are so glad they told you.

Outcome: By taking a minute or two to devote to active listening and reflecting, you strengthened your connection with your child and you’ve increased the likelihood of cooperation in the moments to follow. Because you gave your child the gift of your undivided attention, he will be more likely to work with you, rather than focus on how he hasn’t been seen or heard.

4. Try Visualization

Visualization is an incredibly helpful tool, though most parents might not be aware of the technique. When we take the time to visualize a scenario and really think and feel through it, our brains and bodies become conditioned as if the event is really happening. It’s because of this that many athletes find visualization to be a powerful practice that impacts their performance. As parents, we can use visualization to help us prepare for tough moments. We can think through how the scenario might play out and how we would ideally respond.

Consider this scenario: You remember back to last year’s holiday gift exchange when your youngest faced some big emotions watching others unwrap gifts he wanted for himself. You’re nervous it’s going to happen again and you’ll be managing a tantrum from your youngest while others open their gifts.

Try this: You imagine the scene unfolding. In your mind, you see your children opening gifts. You look over at your son and you can see he starts to look upset as his siblings unwrap presents he might enjoy. You walk over to him and you say, “Hey, buddy. Do you want to sit on my lap?” He nods his head yes. While he’s on your lap you say, “I know it’s hard to see other people open presents you’d like for yourself. It’s OK to feel sad about this.” He begins to cry. You say, “It’s OK to cry. Do you want to cry on my lap?” He shakes his head no. You say, “Is it hard to watch? Do you want to play in your room for a little bit?” He nods his head yes. You tell him that you’ll come check on him in a few minutes.

Outcome: Now, that was all made up in your mind, but this visualization technique can be very useful because it gives you some insights on what you might do before exchanging gifts. Armed with this knowledge, you might talk through the scenario with your son, coming up with a plan together to navigate his feelings of upset and jealousy. Once you’ve imagined the events taking place, you’re better positioned to approach a solution that feels fair and comforting to your little one.

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