Every at-Home Parent Needs a Routine This Summer. Here’s Why.
Just because the school year has come to a close, doesn’t mean your family’s days should be a free-for-all. Here’s what a gentle routine can do for you and your kids this summer.
Source: Katie Emslie
During the rush of school mornings, I fantasized about summer. As we raced against the clock to get two little ones to two different schools in opposite directions, I dreamt about letting the kids stay in their pajamas all day. I savored the very thought of late breakfasts and unbrushed hair and a general disregard for time, schedules, and family routines. When summer vacation finally arrived this year, I could feel my muscles unwind in relief. Here was the pause I so desperately craved—the freedom from packing lunches, from endless chauffeuring, from franticly scrambling.
And let me tell you, the start of summer has been delicious. My 9-year-old and I have been staying up late to read side-by-side in her bed. And coached by her grandmother, my 4-year-old is now tending a backyard veggie garden with the ease and confidence of a seasoned farmer. With little else on our calendars, we have found ourselves in step with our house cat—a beloved old lady who is as unbothered as she is well-rested.
Even in the most effortless, soul-nourishing moments with my kids, I have been busy wading through my own anxiety… my kids are starting to unravel a bit too.
In so many ways, these early summer days have been just the thing we needed. But here’s what surprised me: Even in the most effortless, soul-nourishing moments with my kids, I have been busy wading through my own anxiety. What’s more, in the absence of a daily routine, my kids are starting to unravel a bit too, responding with more whining and mischief as we inch further into summer.
I’ve been wrestling with this growing discomfort in my home, puzzled as to why both my children and I would struggle during a time when we’re actively choosing rest and ease. So I ran my issue by Emily Patillo, a developmental therapist for infants and toddlers. She hardly hesitated with an assessment, telling me I desperately needed a simple stay-at-home mom routine.
“Children thrive on predictability. Routines have an organizing effect and allow kids to feel calm and regulated, giving them a sense of control in knowing what will happen next,” she said.
While I’m a good three decades beyond my toddler years, this assessment felt spot-on—even for me. After all, isn’t that where anxious thoughts find their fuel, in feeling helpless and powerless? Here I was, thinking a slow, easy, and completely directionless summer was the key to rest and relaxation for the whole family, when really, it’s been just the opposite. To get started on remedying this mistake, Patillo recommended prioritizing a household rhythm over a rigid schedule.
Children thrive on predictability. Routines have an organizing effect and allow kids to feel calm and regulated, giving them a sense of control in knowing what will happen next.
“Because it’s summertime, maybe you cuddle up before breakfast and plan your day or read a book together before everyone is off and running,” she said. “And then you organize your day by plotting mealtimes and rest times—whatever those big milestones in the day are that always happen in the same order.” This is how you create predictability and calm, she noted, and help to smooth out those rough patches in the day that happen when kids feel suddenly unmoored.
So, yes, I have loved our laissez-faire approach to early summer. We have been ruled by whim and it’s been a truly satisfying contrast to the school year. But I can recognize, even as half my brain still revels in it, our schedule-free days are no longer serving any of us.
Of course, I’m not going to set an alarm (that’s what my youngest is for). I’m not going to chase my oldest and her long mane with a hairbrush. I’m not going to go haywire scheduling outings and playdates that deplete us. But what I will do is build into our days a sort of gentle flow—a morning coffee, a bike ride after lunch, a quiet time we can fill as we please. In doing so, we can reap the calming rewards of knowing what’s on the horizon, while also relishing this slow season together.
Read More:
