I Don’t Set New Year’s Resolutions—I Do This Instead

My alternative to New Year’s resolutions is an invitation to reset on what feels most important right now and why.

I'm not one to set New Year’s resolutions. But in the absence of a traditional job and annual performance reviews, the start of the year offers a natural time to check in with yourself and decide what you want more (or less) of in the year ahead.

After returning from two weeks of visiting family abroad for the holidays, our kids are beyond jet-lagged, and my husband and I tricked them into a nap (an otherwise distant memory) by taking them for a drive. It worked, and the drive turned into an impromptu on-the-go date. As we cruised side roads, the conversation veered to what we want to invest more of for ourselves and our family this year. We talked about making the most of the culture in New York City, developing our sense of community, fostering independence for our kids, and leaning into more adventure and travel. I did my version of this on my own time, including how I want to feel when I look back on the year.  

Contrary to typical resolutions about going to the gym five times a week or reading twenty books a year, this is a flexible vision of what a joyful year ahead would feel like that reveals our values and leads us to subsequent intentions.

Those intentions become the filter on what we say yes or no to, how we budget our finances, how we individually prioritize the time available to us, and if we are so inclined, tangible goals that get us closer to that vision.

Those intentions become the filter on what we say yes or no to, how we budget our finances, how we individually prioritize the time available to us…

Writing down these intentions is just as much about giving yourself direction and offering purpose as they are a filter on what you want to focus on and what you're actively letting go.  

Suppose you're looking for a helpful place to start. In that case, you can try the popular Wheel Of Life Assessment, a tool introduced to me by Megan Martin Strickland, an executive leadership coach and frequent contributor to Mother Untitled. This exercise invites you to take a 360-degree look at your life and identify priorities. The categories on the wheel include:

• Relationship/Marriage

• Health and Fitness

• Career/Business

• Family and Friends

• Faith/Spirituality

• Physical Environment

• Recreation & Fun

• Giving & Contributing

• Finances

• Personal Development 

In theory, the wheel of life assessment is meant to assess where you are feeling good and where you could refocus. If you're new to this exercise, or even this stage of life, I offer one caveat: I have yet to be able to focus across all these categories. I've been able to prioritize three (marriage, family, and personal development) and I have a sliding scale of availability for three more: fun, career, and physical environment.  

The key is using this, or any other tool that feels fun or effective for you, as a guide to taking stock of how your life feels across several dimensions and where you are craving more or feeling overcommitted. My friend, Hitha Palepu, author of We’re Speaking and curator of #5SmartReads, swears by vision boarding on digital tools like Canva. Giving yourself a chance to flip through visuals and see what speaks to you is a great way to spark or uncover new ideas about your goal state. 

Ultimately, these practices feel uniquely powerful for anyone in the gray area of family, self, and career, where you constantly recalibrate. January 1st doesn't have to add to your already full plate and become a significant self-improvement project, but instead it can be an invitation to reset on what feels most important right now and why. Wishing each of you and your families a healthy, whole (versus happy) and successful—by your definition—year ahead.

Read More:

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Editor’s note: This article was originally published in 2022. It has been updated for timeliness.