How Moms Can Negotiate for What They Really Need at Work
Emma Tempest for Vogue Japan April 2016. Courtesy of Alexandra Dickinson.
Alexandra Dickinson built a successful career out of teaching people how to negotiate in the workplace. “Once you get a taste of what it feels like to successfully negotiate, you’ll never go back,” she says of her work to empower conversations around everything from pay increases to job flexibility and beyond.
When she and her husband started a family a few years ago, Alexandra found herself exploring what it means for mothers, in particular, to advocate for themselves at work. Below, she shares her smart, punchy take on navigating a career pause or shift—and how moms can negotiate for what they really need from employers.
Q. Flexibility is important to the M.U. conversation. What are the stumbling blocks women encounter in asking for flexibility in the workplace? How do you coach women to get past these to design a work situation that works for them?
A. As someone who worked for years at corporations that valued precise start times (but not end times, of course) and “facetime,” the idea that they need to see your face to believe that you’re working, I know how restricting a lack of flexibility can be. Women face old-fashioned thinking—things like “if you’re not in your chair at your desk, you’re not working”—but there are ways you can request flexibility when faced with this type of perspective:
Start by benchmarking. First, start asking around with your colleagues in other departments. Does anyone else have flex time? How do they manage it? How long have they had it, and does it work well? Talk to the managers of people with flex time, if possible, to get their perspective as well. Are there other companies in your industry who have flex policies? Request details about how many employees take advantage of flex time, and any studies or anecdotes about how it relates to overall productivity.
You’ll also need to anticipate objections: “How will I know you’re working if you’re not here?” and “I don’t want everyone on the team thinking they can just take off whenever they feel like it,” are actual objections that my clients have faced when proposing flex time to reluctant managers. Once you understand their point of view, you’ll be able to tailor your message points accordingly.
Suggest a trial period of anywhere from a week to a month, depending on their comfort level. Be proactive by sharing a plan of how you’ll communicate your whereabouts and report out on your deliverables.
Don’t assume that because you haven’t been engaging in paid work your skills are no longer worth charging for. You have many more skills now than you did before becoming a parent.
Q. Relatedly, what should women consider in valuing their time and work while consulting or after returning from a career pause?
A. I’ll give the same guidance here that I give to women who haven’t had a career pause: you have to believe you’re worth it before anyone else will. There’s no substitute for confidence in your own abilities. If any part of you is secretly doubting that you can do what you’re being asked to do, it’s going to come through in your conversations. I get that this is easier said than done, but don’t assume that because you haven’t been engaging in paid work recently your skills are no longer worth charging for. Arguably you have many more skills now than you did before becoming a parent.
That said, if your career pause has been longer than a year, you might want to see if there are things you should brush up on. Have some informal conversations or informational interviews with folks working in a similar space to see what the latest trends are in your field, and make sure you’re ready to jump back in with current, relevant recommendations for your clients.
Q. What would you suggest to mothers interested in keeping their negotiation skills sharp?
A. I like to say 'practice makes permanent': the more opportunities you have to practice negotiation, the more naturally it will come to you. Even if you’re not in a professional setting on a daily basis, there are plenty of opportunities for you to sharpen your negotiation skills in real life. I have four easy practice opportunities that I like to share with my clients:
Get the heels or soles replaced on your favorite shoes. Shoe cobblers are often small shops that will negotiate with you on price.
Ask for an upgrade to your rental car, airline seat or hotel room on your next trip.
Joining a gym? Ask to have your initiation fee waived.
Call your cable, internet or cell phone provider to ask for a discount.
You can also keep your negotiation skills sharp by reading new resources and taking online courses.
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