How I’m Working from Home This Summer & Managing Interruptions from My Kids
How do you work from home with kids when they are out of school and underfoot? One stay-at-home mom shows us how she keeps her focus amidst endless snack requests.
My son came home yesterday, slamming the door behind him. I was upstairs and heard him barreling up the steps. Before he reached my door to my home office, he shouted, “Mom, you’re never going to believe…”
He was excited to share a story about his day and I was eager to hear it. But as he got closer, he saw I was giving him “the finger.” It’s not the first time I’ve made that particular hand gesture toward him. He understood immediately. He stopped talking and quietly headed back downstairs to the kitchen.
To clarify, the finger I stuck out was not my middle finger, but rather my pointer finger—the universal signal to please wait. I was on a business call and the finger was his sign that I couldn’t listen to his story at that very minute.
I have worked as a freelance writer for many years, meaning I’ve had some practice discovering how to work from home with kids. I know I am fortunate; I get to be creative, interview interesting people, work with various media outlets, and earn money. My job also allows me to mostly set my own hours. So most of the time I am available when my kids are home.
But every so often, an editor needs something I couldn't complete during the school day, or an expert I am interviewing can only speak in the later afternoon. Rather than feel guilty that I can’t always arrange my work schedule around my kids, I am grateful. Not being able to put their needs first all the time teaches them valuable lessons—and sweeps away any hint of mom guilt.
Meet the Experts
Robin Buckley, CPC: Clinical psychologist.
Dr. Eileen-Kennedy Moore: Child psychologist.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins: Self-care coach for moms.
Michal Ben-Zvi Sommer, Ph.D.: Clinical psychologist and founder at Val, a life coaching app for women.
Ditch the Guilt: How Kids Benefit from Being Asked to Wait
1. They Understand You’re More Than Mom
I love being a mom. My kids and my husband are the most important people in the world to me. I also enjoy being a writer. I find it personally satisfying.
When my kids see me at my desk writing or on a phone call with a source, they are observing me in an activity that challenges and excites me. Chari Twitty-Hawkins, a self-care coach for moms, says, “When they see their mom working on something for herself, it gives them a living example that they can and should do the same too. It shows them that their mom is more than their mother.”
Whether it’s working at a job, playing in a tennis league, or going to lunch with a friend, children benefit when their mothers have other interests besides them. Twitty-Hawkins explains, “Many moms cater to their children while neglecting themselves and their own needs. This can be confusing to their children. However, when they see their moms work on themselves and do things they enjoy, they learn their mother is a person with her own unique passions, hobbies, and purpose for life.”
2. Kids Can Practice Empathy & Patience
Parents want their children to feel loved and to know they are a priority. My kids are confident that if they have an urgent need, I will drop everything else to help them.
But it is also important for children to know that they can’t always have what they want when they want it and sometimes they need wait their turn. When I gave my son "the finger," he wasn't hurt or disappointed. He understood that I was doing something and that he needed to be patient.
Dr. Michal Ben-Zvi Sommer, Founder & Head Coach at Val, a life coaching app for women, explains, “A child who observes their mother engaged in her own activity will learn that although they are important, they are not the center of the universe. Challenging those egocentric tendencies will help children develop empathy.”
3. They Flex Their Independence
In years past, when my kids were younger and came home from grade school, I made them a snack. But if they walked in and I was on a work call, they either waited until I was done or took the initiative to make themselves something to eat. As clinical psychologist Dr. Robin Buckley explains, “Kids who watch their moms care for themselves develop self-reliance.” Granted, whereas I might cut them an apple as an afternoon snack, on their own, they gravitated toward cookies or chips. But still, it's good for them to gain independence, even if they didn't lean toward the healthiest choices.
Dr. Ben-Zvi Sommer says, “When a mother is busy with her tasks, her kids will mimic her behavior. The short-term win is your kids taking care of their own responsibilities. Long term, they'll become active adults with a variety of interests.”
It isn’t moms saying ‘me first’ to partners or children, it’s about ‘me too.’ Your wants, needs, and goals are as important as everyone else’s.
4. They See Your Example
Dr. Buckley says, “Moms are groomed to put everyone else first. The fallacy is perpetuated by the idea that focusing on what you want is selfish and putting our children's goals and wants before our own is not only our responsibility but is the only way to be a ‘good mom.'"
But the reality is that to be a good mom, you do need to take care of yourself. “Neglecting our wants for those of other people can create resentment, regret, and a lack of motivation,” explains Dr. Buckley. “It isn’t us saying ‘me first’ to our partner or children, it’s about ‘me too’ ... your wants, needs and goals are as important as everyone else’s.”
Child psychologist Dr. Eileen-Kennedy Moore says, "Our kids see us mainly in terms of what we do for and with them. That makes sense because that's what's in front of them. But that doesn't mean that's all we should do. Having interests and activities outside our interactions with our kids gives kids important insights."
Such was the case with my son that afternoon. When I finished my work, I went to the kitchen excited to listen to my son's story. With my work for the day completed, I could focus all of my attention on him. When he concluded his story, he looked at me and asked, "Mom, what were you working on when I walked in?” Seeing me engaged in my work sparked him to inquire about me and my day and to realize that I might have a story to share too.
How to Work From Home With Kids 101
Dr. Ben-Zvi Sommer shares game-changing advice for teaching kids to wait
When to start the practice: Kids can be expected to wait when they can comprehend sayings like “I’ll be with you in a minute." This can happen anywhere between the age of 18 and 24 months.
Keep in mind: Waiting for something that is a basic need, like eating, using the restroom, or running when they are full of energy, can be difficult, and even a few minutes can be too much. However, waiting for play time, the park, and screen time are not physical needs, and may be more easily tolerated by children. Note that waiting for an activity that they are eager to participate in for more than 30 minutes is difficult and will require additional techniques.
Help them cope: Waiting can be more manageable when a child is able to discern the passage of time. Use cues such as "when the school bus arrives" or "after you've finished reading a chapter in your book." Distraction is another effective tool—get your child engaged while they wait. Being in a doing mode rather than a waiting mode, helps time pass more rapidly.
READ MORE:
I Paid $497 for this Priceless Motherhood Advice
Randi Mazzella is a freelance writer specializing in a wide range of topics from parenting to pop culture to life after 50. She is a mother of three and lives in New Jersey with her husband and teenage son.
Editor’s note: A version of this story first appeared in 2021, but has since been updated for timeliness.
