Transitioning to At-Home Parenthood Can Be Hard. Here’s How 3 Moms Found Their Confidence.
Struggling to find your footing as you embrace a career break for at-home motherhood? Three moms open up about their paths to finding peace, joy, and confidence at home.
Finding strength in a community of moms
I wasn’t always confident in being a stay-at-home mom. In fact at first, I was ashamed that I “gave in” to staying home and pausing a career that I’d worked so hard to get. I was very much into the Lean In movement, so waking up one day to the realization that I don’t only need to stay home, that I also want to stay home was a big punch in the gut. I didn’t dare say that I wanted to stay home aloud. I questioned myself a lot. Like, who am I? Where did the old Edil go?
As cliche as this may sound, what turned it around for me was community. As I started to talk about my experience in staying home and motherhood, the shame around my current “title” to stay home dissipated. And then, I started collecting motherhood stories that focus on women’s decision to stay home and slowly but surely, I found my community.
I source my voice, power, and pride from my own community and think, how dare the world say I’m small?!
I’ve found inspiring women who’ve made the same decision as I did and I stopped feeling alone in my experience of shifting from “career woman” to mother. I picture myself as being that little pig who’s built her house out of bricks—only my bricks are fellow stay at home moms who have made a big decision to be home and raise their children. Whenever self-doubt (aka the big bad wolf) shows up, I don’t get rattled anymore. I source my voice, power, and pride from my own community and think, how dare the world say I’m small?! – Edil Cuepo, mom of two
Joy-seeking without kids in tow
I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mother. But when my partner and I sat down to do the math around childcare, we learned that I’d be collecting a paycheck just to hand it over to a daycare. So I reluctantly fell into full-time mothering, because it made the most sense financially.
For months after my first was born, I flipped between two thoughts: 1.) I love this slower pace of life! and 2.) Do I have value beyond what I can do for other people? I’ll be honest and say that transitioning to stay-at-home motherhood was hard on me. While I loved the time with my baby (and the fact that every day was soft pants day), I worried that I was losing what made me an interesting person to be around. When my husband came home from work, all I could offer was endless gushing about the cuteness of our baby (all of it practically scientifically proven).
When was the last time I did something insanely fun? Unless you count watching my baby roll over for the first time, I couldn’t remember.
And then one day, maybe six months into my new role as mom, I ran into an old college friend. She invited me to a women-only dance party—something that sounded ridiculous, freeing, and insanely fun. When was the last time I did something insanely fun? Unless you count watching my baby roll over for the first time, I couldn’t remember. So I committed.
The dance party, held off-hours in a yoga studio, was even sillier than I imagined—and somehow magical and transformative. Women came bedecked in costumery, ready for a night off from anything that weighed on them, be it care-giving, work, or the male gaze. Ten minutes in I was sweating like a pig. I had a goofy grin on my face and my heart and spirit were buoyed by this newfound sisterhood.
I kept going to these dance parties. One every couple of weeks. And because I had so much fun, I started looking for other ways I could feel that sense of joy stirring within me. My dancing nights led me back to myself and in doing so helped me find the balance I needed at home. I could enjoy my full, beautiful days as a mom—and I could head out into the night with friends and remember how fun I can be just on my own. — Jenny Goodwin, mom of two
Taking pride in every season
Once my oldest son was born, I was so wrapped up in him that I didn’t look back for months, until I was out of that newborn phase and was like, “holy sh*t, where am I? Who am I? Where did I go!” I lost my sense of self.
I look back and honor the woman I was… but, I so appreciate the woman and mother I am now, too, because this is my dream role above all else.
I was incredibly proud of who I was and how I fought tooth and nail for where I was professionally just before he was born. I was making my goal salary by the time I was 30, respected for my role on a dream team, and felt so confident doing what I loved, and it took leaving all of it to have our son to make me realize how truly proud I was of myself.
Now I look back and honor the woman I was, and truly miss her! But, I so appreciate the woman and mother I am now, too, because this is my dream role above all else, and I am, of course extremely grateful that I have the choice to be with our children full time right now. – Lindsey Trapp, mom of two
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