Vered Benhorin | On The Discovery Of A New Career Via Motherhood
Vered Benhorin is evidence of the massive and beautiful transformation that can happen in motherhood and parenting. Vered is the owner of Baby In Tune, a music program for children combined with therapy for new parents. The program was born out of her own journey reconciling her new identity while caring for her first baby, combined with her background in music and therapy. Hers is a fascinating story of how interests can expand in new directions by way of our children. Read about the series of personal shifts from Vered’s pre-motherhood self to how she planted the seeds and grew a heart-led business alongside her three children.
1. I love your transparency that you didn't see kids as part of your vision for life - how did that evolve when you did in fact become a mother?
I fought being a mom at first. There was so much I wanted to do! So many career plans, so many places to go travel. When I got pregnant I thought I could seamlessly fit having a baby into my busy life as a Ph.D. student and therapist. Ha! As you can imagine it didn't work that way. The first couple of years were a rocky road of coming to terms with my identity as a mom and how much time and energy went into caring for a baby.
The songs I wrote with my baby during that time were my way of processing that shift. For instance, I have a song called "Something Other Than a Mom" which is about the part of me that I missed after becoming a mother. Eventually, those songs became the seed of my new career. And during that process of merging my identities as a therapist, musician and mom I stepped fully into the role of MOTHER.
2. I know the changes following motherhood surprised you - what shifts did you make in your career to make room for motherhood?
I actually made a huge transition when I got pregnant in anticipation of being a mother. Until then I had been writing, performing, and recording as a singer-songwriter and hoped to make a career of it. I had lived most of my 20s and half of my 30s as an artist. When I got pregnant I thought it was time for me to get a 'real job' and quit my music endeavor. That's when I applied to the Ph.D. program (I was already a music therapist).
Even though it’s a big part of what I teach parents now, I didn't sing to my baby at first. In my mind, I had given up music for motherhood and I had a complicated relationship with it. Luckily, together with my baby, I found a way to do both.
I think art finds a way to survive, just like life does. Even though I thought I was saying goodbye to music as a career, my baby helped me bring it back in another way that I couldn't have imagined. But if you had told my brooding East Village self that she would one day be making music for babies (and would be a mother) she would have balked!
3. Starting your own company alongside motherhood is exciting and can feel intimidating to some. What helped you get confident in launching Baby In Tune?
By the time my baby was 8 months old, I was in the thick of studying attachment theory at school. I would go home to my baby and write what I thought were just little ditties with him. The first step in building Baby in Tune was realizing that parents were responding to those "ditties." They told me they expressed what they were feeling too and wanted to hear more.
When I had my second baby I decided to experiment with doing classes for parents with a curriculum that blended music therapy, attachment theory, and my music. The curriculum seemed like a natural and necessary blend to me but was born out of my unique career path. Word started to spread. My pediatrician and OB gave my CD to their patients, parents were asking for more classes, and I started performing the music.
I slowly gained confidence that what I was offering - a class that blended therapy for the parent, useful tools to use at home with their bay, and music that made them feel joyful and less alone, was needed. The company grew and eventually I hired two managers and trained a bunch of instructors.
Now I see myself just as much of an entrepreneur as I do as a mom/therapist/musician. I enjoy the challenge of maintaining a successful business and strategizing new directions.
Michelle Rose Photo
4. What does the week to week look like in making room for the business while also holding room to be present for your three children?
Well, this year has been unique. Not only was it COVID but we also went on a year-long road trip and the kids were enrolled in an online school. That meant that between leading Baby in Tune classes, training instructors, posting on social media, answering emails, guesting on podcasts, and writing blogs, I was also a teacher to three kids. And to me, that felt like being a policewoman, a role I hate. It was a lot. I waited for that imaginary 3:00 pm school bell every day to be done with it.
By evening I felt I had spent all day with the kids and needed time to get to my own stuff. The problem was, it wasn't actually quality time with them. None of us really enjoyed it! So on top of all that I needed to find time with each kid that felt more present and positive.
Like most parents this year, I don't feel like I did my job at 100% or did parenting 100% either. But I did my best. We'll see what this year brings...
5. I love how you've been speaking about your own path to work-life integration - how has that evolved in your parenting journey (across multiple kids)?
Looking back on the last 12 years I can see how I evolved from resisting making motherhood a center part of my life to accepting it and giving it center stage. My way of doing that was by merging my career with being a mother.
Before having a baby my music was about heartbreak, the city, solitude. My last three albums were inspired by my three kids. The first two explore the relationship between myself and the baby and the last album explored the relationship between siblings, which fascinated me just as much.
My career also means that I spend a lot of time thinking about how to be a better mom and how to inspire others to do the same. The podcasts I listen to, the books I read, double as professional enrichment and personal field research.
During COVID, my daughter, who is 6, would often come in to sing a song with me during class. That was really nice for us both and for the families on Zoom. The babies were entranced by seeing an older kid sing the songs they knew.
Funny, as I was writing this my daughter said out of nowhere. "mama, what part am I in Baby in Tune - 1st in command? 2nd in command?" Ha. I paused. It's unclear who's actually in command here.
6. As you know, I am a big advocate of women being transparent about help to lessen the stigma - what has your village looked like at different periods in recent years?
One of the reasons I created Baby in Tune was to give moms a place to be completely honest about the challenges of caring for a baby and to get support from others in a non-judgmental caring way. Parents tell me it's like therapy through the back door. They think they're going to a music class for their baby but it's actually education and therapy for them. It's the class I wish I had. Often moms tell me they found their best friend in our class.
I went to a support group when I had my first baby and I waited for it all week. That was my village. Having a baby can be so isolating. it's important to be with others who are also obsessing about the color of their baby's poop and how many hours their baby cried at night.
Now my village continues to be other moms whose kids are in my kids’ classes or who have taken my classes. This period of having young kids is a unique opportunity to make friends. On one hand, we don't have time for any social activities outside of our kids. But we also spend countless hours at the playground with other parents in the same boat. It's best friend-making conditions
Quick Chit Chat:
+ Product you'd gift every mother: A class where moms can get emotional support and find their best mama friend.
+ Most meaningful advice/learning: None of the gadgets, gear, schedules, and techniques matter. What matters the most (according to science!) is the connection with your baby. if you're doing something like breastfeeding but you aren't enjoying it, ditch it. Do what makes you feel most connected to your baby. THAT is what will help them develop emotionally, socially, and cognitively.
It's not what you do, it's HOW you do it.
+ 3 Instagram accounts that inspire you:
@raisinggoodhumanspodcast I love this podcast and am very inspired by Dr. Pressman. One of my goals is to be interviewed by her. It will happen! (ps, if anyone has a connection please let me know
@thenewyorkstylist Liz is a friend who started out as a fan of my music. I love her posts. She is authentic in her sharing, inspiring in her mothering and professional life, and her photos are always gorgeous (often shot by @thenewyorkphotoguy)
@littlezsleep Becca interviewed me for her podcast and since then we've become friends. Her content is straightforward and helpful for parents and she inspires me with the aesthetic and consistency of her posts.
You can follow more from Vered on Instagram and Baby in Tune.
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