Sri Bodanapu | On Investing In Personal Projects After Motherhood & Redefining Personal Value
by Neha Ruch
Sri Bodanapu has been a long-time member of the Mother Untitled community and her conversation about her own career pause is a mirror to the Untitled chapter narrative. Below she expands on her choice to pause to enjoy these early years after a 5 year fertility journey to pregnancy, the specifics that let her be confident in the transition and how she’s let herself explore new passions during this period. Sri shares what she gained out of creating a family cookbook and building her podcast. My favorite part - her transparency on giving herself permission to invest in her projects and to get help as a stay at home mother and how that’s all changed in seasons.
1. IN "MEETING" YOU, I KNOW YOU'VE MADE YOUR OWN "BIG AND LITTLE CHOICES" AS IT RELATES TO MAKING ROOM FOR FAMILY LIFE - CAN YOU DESCRIBE?
It took me close to 5 years to get pregnant, owing to unexplained infertility and several rounds of assisted reproductive techniques. Leading up to my final round of IVF, I decided to leave my full-time job at a non-profit in San Francisco so I could focus on my desire to become pregnant. Once I did get pregnant, I realized that I didn't just want to quit that job but actually wanted to take a career pause. I wanted to savor and cherish every moment I would have with my child. I had taken numerous medications, undergone several procedures, and struggled with uncertainty for so many years that I wanted to give myself permission to fully immerse myself into being a mother and not spreading my time between work and home.
Another factor that contributed to this decision was my upbringing and my mother. Despite having a Master’s degree in Chemistry, my mother chose to be a stay-at-home mom so she could lean into family life, and support my dad who had a very busy career. And I saw so much respect and acceptance for each other for their unique contributions and strengths. This reflection made it clear to me that leaning into motherhood and taking a career pause was a privilege and something I personally felt would serve our family well.
2. TAKING A CAREER PAUSE CAN COME WITH A LOT OF INITIAL TREPIDATION. HOW DID YOU APPROACH THAT DECISION AND WHAT HELPED YOU CONNECT WITH CONFIDENCE AND CLARITY?
There are three things I considered when taking a career pause.
Financial freedom/stability - This was the easiest one to assess. I was fortunate to have worked for a successful startup and had the financial freedom to take a career pause. While it was hard to give up a regular paycheck and benefits, I was also lucky to have a partner who fully encouraged my decision to step back and was able to also support our family financially. I ran some spreadsheets, saw what we needed, and knew to make choices within that structure.
Self-confidence - This is the hardest yet most important piece of taking a career pause. In our generation, our identity is our work. I live in San Francisco where who we work for, what we do, and what title we have completely defined us. So giving up work for family life was very hard. Over time I learned to redefine my brand and what success meant. Success meant being present for the family, self-acceptance, and finding ways to keep growing personally. Once I accepted these things as my new ‘KPI’s’, I was more content with my choices.
Partner support - This was a really big one for me as it was incredibly important that my spouse not only accept my choice but also respect me for it. While my partner was incredibly supportive and respectful the entire time, I built a narrative in my head that I would only be respected for an office job. Honestly, my husband helped me unpack this more than I did myself by applauding me for stepping back to care for our children, and for creating space for him to grow in his own career.
3. DURING THIS PERIOD YOU'VE STARTED MULTIPLE PROJECTS INCLUDING A PODCAST AND A COOKBOOK, HOW DID YOU TAKE BOTH OF THOSE IDEAS AND MAKE THEM HAPPEN? WHAT CHALLENGES DID YOU HAVE TO WORK AROUND?
When I made a choice to take a career pause, I was also very clear about using this time as a way to grow personally and creatively. While I was pregnant with my first, I went to nutrition school and got a degree in nutrition consulting. It was a part-time program and felt like a great way to learn and grow in a slow-paced setting.
Then, when I had my son, I struggled with bridging the gap between my own Indian upbringing and raising my son 4000 miles away in a culture very different from the one I grew up in. I chose to co-sleep but not a single friend had co-slept with their child. I couldn't breastfeed but every single friend of mine could. So I really yearned to talk to people outside of my community who were making all sorts of choices so I could normalize what society calls 'unconventional'. Over the last 35 episodes, we've talked about everything from interracial adoption, IVF, and supporting gender transitions. And that not only helped me grow personally but also create a community that feels educated about other mothers’ choices.
Simultaneously, I started working on gathering our family recipes, cooking them, and working with an incredible photographer and editor to create a cookbook that I'm really proud of. And even though my cookbook will never be a bestseller, I learned so much about the cookbook creation process and made our extended family and friends so happy to have a gorgeous book that shares our family stories and preserves our culinary heritage. This process also helped me get clarity around the purpose for the next chapter of my life - starting a company that will help other families create their own cookbooks.
Across the board, all these projects were incredibly fulfilling but always brought up the question of ‘value’. We have learned to associate value with money so what happens when you create a podcast that is meant to empower and educate women or a cookbook that’s meant to preserve your own culinary identity? The biggest challenge was rewriting this narrative and judgment around value. Value isn’t always money. It can be about creating community, learning a new skill, or creating a product that only 50 people may use. And in some seasons of our lives, that value is absolutely enough.
4. AS YOU KNOW, I AM A BIG ADVOCATE OF WOMEN BEING TRANSPARENT ABOUT HELP TO LESSEN THE STIGMA - WHAT HAS YOUR VILLAGE LOOKED LIKE AT DIFFERENT PERIODS IN RECENT YEARS?
I grew up in India where having a support system is widely accepted and even encouraged. But here in San Francisco, I was my biggest roadblock in the early days. I had the ability to get help but I would tell myself that as a stay home mom I didn’t deserve it, what would my friends think, or what would I do with my ‘free’ time.
But I slowly started to make a few changes because they were in the best interest of our family. When I returned to nutrition school, I found a wonderful nanny who would be with us for 3 years. Someone once told me, having more adults to love your child is a good thing. And in the absence of having grandparents around, having a nanny who loved my children was actually a blessing. Once my son went to pre-school, our nanny moved on and we found an amazing mother’s helper who came in twice a week to help with household chores and meal prep. And now that I have a second child and we haven’t had school in over a year, we’re back to having a nanny help us with the kids on weekdays and date nights.
5. I KNOW YOU AND I SHARE IN COMMON A DESIRE TO KEEP GROWING PERSONALLY AND IN OUR CREATIVITY, WHAT HAVE YOU READ/LISTENED TO RECENTLY THAT HAS MADE AN IMPACT ON YOU?
I love listening to Yasmin Nuori’s ‘Her Emprire’ and Skimm’ed from the Couch podcasts. I really feel energized by listening to women tell their stories of entrepreneurship and family life. I also joined a program called Selfmade which connected me to some incredible female entrepreneurs who are starting so many creative businesses like modern Indian shoes, a period product discovery box, and a Venezuelan resort wear line. So inspiring!
QUICK CHIT CHAT:
+ Product you'd gift every mother
Ranavat Saffron Brightening Serum. Luxurious and a great daily ritual.
+ Most meaningful marriage advice/learning
Recognize and respect your partner’s need for space. Be it for a few hours or a whole day, honoring each other’s time for themselves serves the marriage well on a daily basis and for its lifetime.
+ 3 INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS THAT INSPIRE YOU
@motheruntitled - It’s a gift for people who are taking a career pause and has so many tools from how to say ‘what do you do’ to finding ways to learn and grow creatively.
@pedsdoctalk- Dr. Mona is such a great resource for mamas. It’s like having an online pediatrician! She’s full of great advice and tips and all her medical advice is science-backed.
@noorishbynoor- I love cooking and learning about different cultures through the lens of food. Noor is an incredible recipe developer and her feed is full of delicious things I want to make!
You can follow along with Sri on Instagram.
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