Edil Cuepo | On Shifting From Career Woman To Full Time Mother And Finding Her Community
by Neha Ruch
Edil Cuepo is a few months into the transition to life with two children. Still, you wouldn’t know it by her vibrant energy - she’s well-familiar with transition in motherhood, starting with the initial shift to stay home with her first daughter. Below, she describes the series of changes in navigating her way from the first year immersed in caring for a baby to writing about stay-at-home motherhood to freelance work and back to fully focused on family, for now. Her story is a reminder that you can keep tinkering with your versions of balance and that you can arrive at confidence and community in this chapter on your own time. Read her honest and open take on adjusting (and re-adjusting) in this chapter, raising Asian-American children today, and keeping herself whole on the longest while sweetest of days.
1. Since we last met in person, life has changed so much. Can you share the series of shifts you've made to make room for family life at various stages in the last 4.5 years of raising June and then again after welcoming Leo?
There are so many and each shift taught me lessons that I took with me to the next one! First, was my decision to stay home with June just after my maternity leave ended. I realized how much more important it was for me to see my baby grow and hit her milestones than to sit at my office and pretend my mind and heart aren’t at home.
I’m ever grateful that I had the privilege to choose. After deciding to stay home, I dove in headfirst and did not leave June’s side -- no sitter or anything -- for over a year. It was the most rewarding yet challenging year of my life. In hindsight, I would have granted myself some breaks in between. I would have asked for more help. Staying home shouldn’t have to mean being a martyr. However, that first year was when I rediscovered my love for writing. I wrote my heart out and it’s what got me through. I started my blog centered on stay at home motherhood and I contributed to other websites such as Mother Mag and Not Safe For Mom Group.
When June was 2.5 years old, I was desperate to be around other people (hello isolation!) and I felt that June and I can really use some space away from each other. I took a front desk job at a local business twice a week. I got a babysitter and paid my sitter whatever it was I made. It only lasted for four months. I realized working away from home was not the right fit for me and if I only needed *some* time away from June, I should simply take that time and spend it somewhere that gives me either rest and relaxation, or growth.
Consequently, I started consulting for the same business I worked for. While I sat at the front desk, I initiated a campaign for their social media and when I left, they realized the value of what I had started. They hired me to do just that and it worked out so well as June had already started 3K. Freelancing is the best.
I loved freelancing because I was able to schedule my work around June’s drop-off and pickup. I was also able to book another client who was referred by that first consulting job and that felt amazing. I still enjoy working and when my work outside of motherhood - even while I’m primarily home - is seen as valuable. It somehow tells me that the old part of me, the ambitious and driven me, is still here.
I worked a little bit into the pandemic but when we found out I was pregnant in May and we decided to keep June at home from school, I shifted back to fully focusing my time and energy on our family. Just as I’ve loved the time I went back to work part-time, I also just as happily resorted back to being home full-time with her... and now, with Leo too I am in another season of staying home and I embrace it with a full heart because I know for sure I will miss the chaos when they’re older.
2. We share a confidence in our seasons of stay-at-home motherhood and the desire to share that with our community. What are ways you've stayed confident in this chapter and navigated social pressure and judgment?
I wasn’t always confident in being a stay at home mom. In fact at first, I was ashamed that I “gave in” to staying home and pausing a career that I’d worked so hard to get. I was very much into the Lean In movement so waking up one day to the realization that I don’t only *need* to stay home, that I also *want* to stay home was a big punch in the gut. I didn’t dare say that I wanted to stay home aloud. I questioned myself a lot. Like, who am I? Where did the old Edil go?
As cliche as this may sound, what turned it around for me was community. As I started to talk about my experience in staying home and motherhood, the shame around my current “title” to stay home dissipated. And then, like you, I started collecting motherhood stories that focus on women’s decision to stay home and slowly but surely, I found my community.
I’ve found inspiring women who’ve made the same decision as I did and I stopped feeling alone in my experience of shifting from “career woman” to mother. I picture myself as being that little pig who’s built her house out of bricks -- only my bricks are fellow stay at home moms who have made a big decision to be home and raise their children. Whenever self-doubt (aka the big bad wolf) shows up, I don’t get rattled anymore. I source my voice, power and pride from my own community, the MU community and NSFMG and think, how dare the world say I’m small?!
Whether or not a mom chose or was forced to stay home, every stay at home mom is admirable and powerful to me.
3. You've done an incredible job of staying creative and connected by contributing meaningfully via your own social presence along with others (NSFMG and Mindr come to mind!). Can you share your strategies to make room for yourself alongside the kids?
Motherhood sparks so many emotions in me and when I have a quiet moment, I try and memorialize them through photos and writing. In all honesty, I get very little time to myself with a baby, a preschooler, and a husband who works full-time and is in law school. I would say my strategy is doing things that make ME feel alive while providing entertainment to my kids. That means taking walks to get fresh air and exercise, going for a drive and visiting fun places like the New York Aquarium, museums, Target, etc.
Before the pandemic, I scoured events that are open to both moms and kids. Mindr’s seminars were my favorite and it’s how I first heard about Mother Untitled too! Another community I love is Not Safe For Mom Group. Their events always feel like therapy to me.
4. I want to address the recent hate crimes that have affected the AAPI community. I admire your voice during this period. How do you think the recent events have impacted how you approach raising a multi-cultural family?
Wow - this question just brought up a lot of feelings. As I’m sure you know, Asians (or immigrants and immigrant families per se) do not like to complain. We do not like to take up the spotlight. So while I’ve openly talked to my 4-year old about racism towards the Black community, I never really spoke to her about how my side of the family has experienced and continues to experience racism too.
As a woman of color, I have a critical perspective to share with her -- the ways that other people have hurt me by way of stereotyping and judging me through my skin color -- that will hopefully empower her to stand up for herself and other people / communities who may not be as privileged as she. It’s important for her to hear it from me.
Books we love regarding this: A Kids Book About Racism and Say Something
5. What routines or habits, as a family or for yourself, help you enjoy this chapter to the fullest?
Every night at bedtime, we each share our favorite part of the day. It’s a nice and simple way to cap off our days and appreciate whatever it is we did. As a mom of young children, it’s also an amazing way to get validation. June always tells me her favorite was “playing magnatiles with you” or “waking up together”. You’ll notice the common factor is “being together” and I smile because that’s exactly the point of why I’m home in the first place!
Quick Chit Chat:
+ Product you'd gift every mother
Airpods! Every mom needs one. It’s great for listening to podcasts, audiobooks, etc. while doing mundane tasks or when you happen to have a child stuck on you during nap time.
+ Most meaningful marriage advice/learning
Make laughing together a thing. Even if it means scrolling IG together to find a good meme, just do it. Also, don’t keep any negative feelings to yourself -- express it as you feel them or else, you’ll burst at some point. No one wants that.
+ 3 Instagram accounts that inspire you
@hithapalepu and her 5 smart reads
@denupzter Anupa’s take on motherhood, being a brown mom to her mixed babies, and her incredible journey to self-love and acceptance
@nihaonewyork snaps of nyc, her recent obsession with puzzles, and her dedication and commitment to self, her passions and growth while also being a superb mom
You can follow more from Edil on Rockaway Baby or Instagram.
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