Sue Groner | A Full-Time Mother Turned Parenting Expert And Author Looking Back On 25 Years
by Neha Ruch
Sue Groner is an empathetic and elegant presence among New York motherhood creators and women’s communities. She’s also known as The Parenting Mentor and author of Parenting With Sanity And Joy. 101 Simple Strategies. But before that she was focused on raising her now, 21 and 24 year old children so her experience keeping herself content and creative alongside early motherhood as well as life on “the other side” is a valuable perspective for the Untitled community. Susan left her job in production to raise her children and here she looks back on the parts she enjoyed, the parts that were challenging, keeping herself connected in the various seasons and how ultimately those years were in fact one chapter that led her to her next. Learn from Sue below.
1. You are such a fabulous example of the Untitled chapter - can you share more about the choices you made to make room for family life?
I've never been one to do the same thing for a long period. I worked in a number of creative industries. When I got pregnant with my first child - 25 years ago! - I was the marketing director for a music production company. I'd been there for five years, and I knew that I would want to devote more time to being a new mom. So that first choice, the one to leave my job, was an easy one. And I was fortunate to be able to make that decision. I often think about how different the landscape was for moms when I was raising little ones. The opportunities to work from home were limited, but there wasn't the pressure to do so either. There were times where I would compare myself to a mom friend who was a doctor or one who had four kids and worked part-time, but honestly, I loved being a full-time mom. I enjoyed the daily tasks of feeding, playing, changing diapers, taking my kids to their classes, to the park, observing them see things for the first time, interact with others, learning, etc. There were certainly times when I was thrilled to have some help, but I found joy in the little things and felt like I was experiencing parts of life and the exploration of it again through my children's eyes. Once my children were in school, I was able and ready to devote some time to projects and organizations in my community that used my business brain and where I could make a difference. And I was sure to engage with my kids about what I was involved with at the time. My children are now 21 and 24. As empty-nesting was approaching, I realized that the 20 years with them at home was indeed just one of the many chapters of my life. While I was in the thick of it, I didn't think about it that way. I had no idea that I would create a thriving business, write a book, and be regarded as a parenting expert. I hope you, the reader, will recognize that you are also in a chapter, and as you watch your children grow and evolve in ways that will continue to surprise and delight you, know that your life will do the same.
2. I have always appreciated your encouragement in finding the right support in the last five years, how did your village evolve over various seasons in motherhood?
Initially, my village consisted of my pediatrician, my parents (for help, not advice!), a babysitter, and my new mommy friends, who were the best support. I had some friends who’d already had children too, and sometimes they were helpful. When I had my son, I hired a nanny who was so loving to my kids while also being helpful around the house. Yet, it was my friends who I considered to be my true village. I wish I’d had the plethora of resources, groups, and amazing support systems that exist now- including Mother Untitled. And I joke that I wish I’d had me in the form of The Parenting Mentor when I was raising my kids.
3. Relatedly, how did you find ways to make room for yourself through care, community or creativity while your children were young? How did that expand as they got older?
I made sure to find some time to go to the gym, first with the help of a babysitter, then my nanny, and then in-between drop-off and pick up from pre-school. For many years I sang in a choir in NYC which was very fulfilling. When I no longer wanted to commute from Bedford for rehearsals, I started studying privately with a voice coach. I took figure drawing classes as well, feeding my creative side. When my kids were in middle and high school, I was on the school district’s arts foundation board and led the development, fund-raising, and construction of a multi-purpose courtyard at the high school. This two-year project utilized all of my business and creative skills and was a way to enhance the school community.
Now, I love what I do. I also sit on a few non-profit boards and do some angel investing for organizations and companies making a difference, especially for families and women. I still find it hard to make time to slow down and give myself some TLC, but I’m reminded to by my husband - and that’s a good thing!
4. A lot of the advice from Parenting with Sanity and Joy. 101 Simple Strategies has really stayed with me (like enjoying saying yes! to your kids) - what about your years at home led you to write the book and begin your business?
While I loved and thrived during the early years of parenting, the middle school years were not so great. I went from relaxed to stressed, thinking I needed to micro-manage my children. As they got a little older, I realized that all the stress, worry and anxiety I had been feeling, was a waste of energy, was so unnecessary, and most important, was unpleasant for everyone involved. That, combined with constantly being asked advice and then receiving positive feedback -including “start a parenting business”, led me to create The Parenting Mentor. The book was an outgrowth of my business as well as my disdain for most parenting books. Not only did I have a hard time getting through them, I’d also feel as if I’d already screwed up my kids. I wanted to write a book that would be easy and fun to read, while helping parents feel good about what they are already doing and capable about making adjustments.
It’s funny how choosing to pause from work while raising my family is, in fact, what lead me to do what I do!
5. When you reflect back, what rituals or routines helped keep your family such a consistently close unit?
Family meals have always been really important to me. It was, and still is, the time when we’d all be together to chat, share good or bad parts of our day, and hopefully laugh. It certainly paid off because our dinners during lockdown, while our kids were home, were such a gift. It didn’t hurt that they did most of the cooking - with an appreciation for good food and wine - and cleaning up!
I still love it when the four of us hang out on our bed and watch a movie or SNL, playing Bananagrams (our game of choice), or going for a hike.
We’ve created our own family traditions too. I think that doing things that are special just to your family helps to create bonds.
Traveling the world as a family have also kept us close. We’ve had so many interesting and eye-opening experiences, in addition to funny or annoying memories that we continue to joke about.
Quick Chit Chat:
+ Product you'd gift every mother:
Besides a copy of my book, the best gift would be at least 30 minutes of alone time every day.
+ Most meaningful marriage advice/learning:
You and your partner had different parents and upbringings so don’t create rules on your own. So many arguments are a result of disagreements around expectations, discipline, bedtimes, etc, so have calm, non-judgmental conversations to find a place your both comfortable with enforcing. Instead of being set on a particular outcome, find some common ground and suggest giving it a try.
+ 3 Instagram accounts that inspire you
@notsafeformomgroup for the raw, honest conversations that help me to understand what moms are going through now.
@flowerschoolny because I love making flower arrangements. Perhaps it’s my next chapter!
@velvetandlinen — just because!
You can follow along with Sue at The Parenting Mentor on Instagram.
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