Katy Rexing | Finding Balance In Cooking & Community
by Neha Ruch
Katy Rexing is one of those women who exudes grace and so it’s no wonder that she’s built a creative outlet into her life as a mother called Grace In The Crumbs. I was drawn to her work because of her gorgeous persona and life with four kids which I can only begin to imagine but I found depth and perspective in her honest take on mothering and finding her version of balance in cooking and community. Read her experience leaning into motherhood fully and eventually finding her way back to more room for herself, a journey we all share.
How did you change after becoming a mother?
I’d love to be able to give you a simple answer to this. To be able to say that I can look back and vividly remember how I changed right after becoming a mother. But the truth is, it was a gradual shift over time. Motherhood grew on me, and continues to, even now.
As I look back at who I was over a decade ago, to who I am now, the biggest shift has been how motherhood has humbled me. I think at the beginning of my motherhood journey I subconsciously thought I knew what I was doing. I somehow thought I had some control over motherhood. And if the past ten years has taught me anything, it’s that so much of this is out of my hands and that I still have so much to learn.
What choices did you make to accommodate motherhood? Would you make them again?
In my first years as a mother I cut out anything in my life that wasn’t about my children, and most of it subconsciously. I left a career, passions, and even some friendships. So many things I set aside to make room for this love for another being that was so all encompassing. There just didn’t seem to be room for anything else.
Fortunately, that’s not the same life I’m living now.
Now I’m working on trying to make space for all of it - my life as a mother, and my life outside of motherhood. But I think diving “all in” to motherhood was something I had to do to find my balance. I don’t regret it, but the balance I have now is so much healthier for me, and for my children.
Describe yourself as a mother in 3 words. What kind of mother would you like to be?
Joyful. I try my hardest to create space in our home for a lot of joy, and laughter and love. It’s not always easy, but finding ways to laugh and play and just be, often create our sweetest moments together.
Forgiving. Not just of my kids and their process as they learn and grow, but also forgiving towards my own journey and my own mistakes. So much of who I am today was learned through my mistakes. So forgiveness, in all of its forms, is a daily practice for me as a mother. Not taking things too seriously and knowing that it’s ok to say “I’m sorry”, it’s ok to ask for forgiveness, and It’s ok to not be perfect is a daily practice.
Faithful. Having faith, and more than just spirituality, has been a cornerstone in my journey as a mother. So many experiences, both big and small, have relied on me and our children to have faith. To believe in the good. To see the good. To lead with our hearts.
How do you take care of yourself outside of motherhood?
Oh, this is such a good question, and I think one of the most important things to remember as a mother; to take care of yourself outside of motherhood.
As nurturing women, it can be so easy for us to get engulfed and swallowed up by motherhood. To let our children become our lives.
One of the healthiest things for me to realize years ago, was that my children are not me. In fact, my children are not even mine. They are their own, complete, unique selves who have a totally different identity outside of me (as they should), and I need to as well. Being able to separate their accomplishments, struggles or failures from my own, has been such a life changing gift.
Therefore “taking care of myself” means creating a life that isn’t just all about motherhood. It’s about filling up my world with things that I love, that fuel me, and inspire me. For me, that’s yoga, travel, cooking, connecting with other like-minded woman, spending time with my husband, and being outside in nature.
Every mother needs help to find balance. What does your village look like?
My village is wide, deep and diverse. I feel so lucky that I’m able to pull inspiration and strength from so many different people in my life, and not all women.
But one of the richest areas of support for me as a mother are the women who have mothered before me. My own mother and mother-in-law of course, but also so many other women who have faced situations I have yet to experience.
These women provide a sense of wisdom and grace about things that I’m only now experiencing, reassuring me that I’m on the right path. Watching them mother their own children, (who are often much older than my own) or hearing their stories, gives me peace and comfort.
Being able to have support and guidance from women who have experience far beyond my years has been one of the biggest blessings for me on my motherhood journey. And for those women, I will always be grateful.
What are you working on improving about yourself as a woman & a mother?
This is such a hard question, but if I had to pick one thing, it would be self-love and self-acceptance.
I think being able to accept and love yourself, exactly as you are, flaws and all, is such a freeing gift. I want to be an example to my children. I want them to see that it’s ok to be imperfect, and still love yourself completely.
Teaching my children to love themselves, exactly as they are, is one of the most important things I can do as a mother. If I can do that, then I will have done my job. But it starts with me first. I must show them what true self love looks like, even if it means me learning along the way.
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