Tara Lappen | Two Best Friends On How Community Kept Them Whole
by Neha Ruch
Tara and Emily are like a modern, cooler-than-Mary Poppins pair that you want in your playgroup and at your girls nights. I met Tara first and was totally enamored with her thoughtful nature combined with a smart, down-to-earth-ness. Emily is her West Coast based long time best friend with whom Tara co-created More Please Mama, a growing hub for ideas on recipes, products and crafts that keep little ones asking for "more please". Today's feature is our first side by side conversation where they both weigh in on how they've paused or compressed work to be present for their kids, their mothers' role helping whether far or near and how playdates make the world go round.
How did you change after becoming a mother?
Tara: Oh my goodness, everything changes..right? It’s so funny because I had all these plans of what I would be like as a mother and how I would parent and then real life happened. I joke that I was the perfect parent until I had kids. Your baby is the first person in your whole life where all they have to do is look at you and you love them more than you thought was possible.
All jokes aside, becoming a mother felt like I became the person I was always meant to be.
Emily: I remember having those conversations with you, T! I would have to say motherhood has made me hyperaware of who I am as an individual. Motherhood puts a magnifying glass on the things you want to change about yourself. You want to model the behavior you want to see in your children.
Tara: Amen to that, sister!
What choices did you make to accommodate motherhood? Would you make them again?
E: I compressed my work schedule…and by compressed I mean work the same amount of hours I used to work into fewer days. This makes it easier for me to balance working and being home with my kids. Work days are very long but the flexibility is worth it so I see my kids more during the week than I would have otherwise.
T: I quit my job, and have never looked back. I saw my first babe’s face and knew I wanted to be home with him. Plus, my husband travels a lot so it made sense for our family to have me home. My mother was home with me growing up and I admire her so much, so I feel lucky to be able to do the same.
Describe yourself as a mother in 3 words. What kind of mother would you like to be?
T: This is such a good question for self reflection. I would say…genuine, supportive and mindful. I want to be the type of mother that teaches my babes self value, respect of themselves and others and empathy. ALSO maybe make them a little less independent than me since I moved across the country from my family…just kidding…kind of!
E: Seriously, I wish you didn’t move as far too!
T: I know, I know - I miss everyone in California but now we all just get to visit each other more.
::: Booking Flight :::
E: I would say fun, mindful and reliable. I want to be a mom they can talk to about anything and can come to no matter what.
How do you take care of yourself outside of motherhood?
E: We keep each other in check from coast to coast - it’s truly nice to have that constant support without any judgement. I also connect locally with moms for girls nights and regularly scheduled playdates.
T: I feel lucky to have you too, Em! You know too much anyway! Exercising is my “me-time.” I love spin class and yoga and really whatever. I also love getting massages. I don’t know what I would do without all my local mamas and our girl nights and playdates. Motherhood can be isolating if you don’t surround yourself with loving women who happen to be moms now too. Moms need moms.
E: Agreed. We are better together.
Every mother needs help to find balance. What does your village look like?
T: Since my parents are in California, we FaceTime quite a bit. My mom is a pretty good FaceTime babysitter and the kids love the special time with Nana. Also, Hoboken is only one square mile so I run into people while doing errands quite frequently that turns into an impromptu playdate. The random connections seem to happen when you need it the most. I don’t have any family nearby so I have a good babysitter that we use for much needed date nights.
E: My mom watches them while I work. My husband is a Wildland Firefighter so during fire season he could be gone for weeks at a time. I get through those long weeks by scheduled playdates and help from my family.
What are you working on improving about yourself as a woman & a mother?
E: Being present with whatever I’m doing.
T: I love that. Being more mindful with whatever I’m doing is high on my priority list as well. I think we help remind each other of that goal everyday. Forgiveness of myself when I’m not being the “perfect parent” and being an example of navigating challenging times gracefully.
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