It’s Time to Rebrand Motherhood
Source: Yoann Boyer for Unsplash
Years ago, I was in my final months of business school, negotiating opportunities, and fixated on titles.
Two years later, as my son turned four months old, I chose to shift my work and lean into motherhood and did away with any title beyond Mother. I quickly realized I had to find my own sense of validation and ego in that. Mixed reactions included questions about what I was going to do all day and worry that I might feel bored. It would temporarily send me into a tailspin about my own worth, but more so it gave me a view into the cultural rhetoric on motherhood, and the chasm between power at work and power as a woman making choices for herself and her family.
I get it. As women, generations of us have had to fight for respected identities outside of the home. The storyline that emerged was if we choose to prioritize family over our paid work for a period of time, we are in some way giving up ourselves. What’s left is a cultural narrative around motherhood that is antiquated.
It gave me a view into the cultural rhetoric on motherhood, and the chasm between power at work and power as a woman making choices for herself and her family.
To rebuild my own narrative, I leaned into motherhood further, networking (read: hosting endless playdates) with women. At work, some of these women were negotiating for a flexible schedule. Others were taking a full pause. Others were building their own businesses alongside care-giving for their kids. Some were staying in full-time work but switching employers who could “re-meet” them as mothers. The shades of grey in the space between motherhood and ambition were more present than our black and white notions of the “working mother” and “stay-at-home mother.”
This camp of women I spent my days with were far from the caricature of women lost in the trenches of motherhood that American society has developed. Our conversations were about our kids’ development and our parenting approaches, but also about marriage, health, creative concepts, and culture. Women who were pausing talked about classes they wanted to take or areas for self-improvement. Women who were flexing talked about ways to grow more efficient at work. Women starting their own thing were committed to making the process more meaningful.
I’m not going to say there weren't the stereotypical vats of coffee and wine, top knots, athleisure, and maybe even piles of laundry around the periphery. Or that there weren’t disclosures about lonely and messy moments. But the camaraderie and connection that came from that shared experience felt novel. As new mothers, we talked about a deeper appreciation for each other and an eagerness to part with the competitiveness of our twenties.
If we can reclaim the respect for the role of the mother and recognize the opportunity for growth in this stage of life, we allow women to openly embrace motherhood without penalty on the other side.
I’ve now spoken to and profiled over 150 women who have chosen paths to make room for motherhood, and the undercurrent is powerful. These women didn’t trip and fall into a dark well of motherhood. They chose who they wanted to be as a mother and as a woman and allowed their choices, shifts, or pauses to open up new ways to think and feel. They learned more than they expected from raising their children—in their capacity for patience, empathy, and ruthless prioritization.
I spent ten years in advertising before starting Mother Untitled and I often say the rebrand of motherhood may be my greatest challenge. But I think the pay-off is significant. If we can reclaim the respect for the role of the mother and recognize the opportunity for growth in this stage of life, we allow women to openly embrace motherhood without penalty on the other side. Ultimately, our culture’s recognition of women as relevant and connected during these years—coupled with an understanding that the space between ambition and parenting is fluid—can allow female talent greater confidence in returning to work and advocating for our worth.
The common assumption is that we get soft as mothers. Yes, motherhood made me softer, but it also made me stronger. It's a powerful combination with a wild amount of potential.
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