The Magic You Make This Holiday Matters–Even if Your Child Doesn’t Remember It
Experts say the love you pour into the holiday season leaves a lasting imprint on your kids, even if they’re bound to forget the details of your celebrations.
Source: Yan Krukau
In every family around the globe, there exists a child who prefers the cardboard packaging to the present itself. Or if not that, then there is a baby who wails obliviously through the school holiday concert. Or perhaps there is a toddler who could give two you-know-whats about the traditional feast set before them on the table.
For parents to create these moments—to handpick the perfect gifts, to wrangle tiny arms into velvet suit jackets, to bring dishes from stovetop to table—well, it all takes an enormous amount of labor. And I’ll confess there have been years when I’ve looked around at my own babies and thought, what’s the point of all this when they won’t remember it anyway?
After all, most of us can’t recall experiences we had before the age of 4. Our earliest childhood memories are wiped clean, resulting in something psychologists have termed “childhood amnesia.” While there’s speculation about why we experience this memory loss as we grow, some experts point to the rapid brain development that occurs in the first few years of life. Think of it this way and the act of forgetting our earliest years becomes as natural and expected as growing up.
Meet the Experts
Emily Patillo: Developmental therapist specializing in infancy and toddlerhood.
Jenna Nielsen: Licensed clinical social worker with ADHD Advisor.
But just because our youngest children won’t remember the merry-making or cookie-baking we do this time of year, doesn’t mean we should forgo these activities if they make us happy, says Emily Patillo, a developmental therapist for infants and toddlers.
“For caregivers, there is often joy and excitement during the holiday season. A child in tune with their parent can feel that excitement and mirror it,” she says. It’s these joyful moments—strung together over the course of a childhood—that form a strong parent-child bond, Patillo adds. She says it’s in these interactions that parents find opportunity to decode a child’s cues, discover new likes and dislikes, and bolster the bridge of trust between them.
It’s these joyful moments—strung together over the course of a childhood—that form a strong parent-child bond.
And that bond you’re building in every seemingly minuscule moment—from lighting twinkle lights in the nursery to watching snow fall to snuggling in with a holiday book—it all matters. Every bit of it. No matter how small our gestures, creating a pattern of them builds a foundation of comfort and safety for our kids. It’s what psychologists call validation, says Jenna Nielsen, a licensed clinical social worker. She explains that our loving actions in early parenthood allow our children to feel a sense of cohesiveness and belonging. Making a little magic for kids around the holidays can be another way of saying “I love you” and “this is a safe place,” Nielsen adds.
All it takes is a bit of big-picture thinking to see how impactful the sum of these little moments can be. “When kids feel a secure attachment to their caregivers, they are more open to exploring the world around them,” Patillo notes. “So by supporting this bond, in whatever way feels right to you, you’re allowing your child to devote their energy and attention to growing in a healthy way. They’ll interact with others, and they’ll learn from their environment, secure in the knowledge that they can always return to you.”
It doesn’t take an Elf on the Shelf, a chocolate-laden countdown calendar, or a host of wintry crafts to fill your kids’ hearts with love.
While parents certainly work to ensure their kids feel safe and loved all throughout the year, the holidays may have an amplifying effect, Nielsen proposes. With excitement in the air and time off from daycare or school, day-to-day routines get left by the wayside. And it’s precisely this disruption that may yield stronger memories—the kind that have more staying power, suggests Nielsen.
If reading this leaves you questioning whether the magic you make this holiday is enough magic, know this: It doesn’t take an Elf on the Shelf, a chocolate-laden countdown calendar, or a host of wintry crafts to fill your kids’ hearts with love.
“You don’t have to be extravagant,” Nielsen says, noting that the holidays can be challenging enough without the added pressure to spend time, money, and energy we don’t have. “You can provide validation and love without it having to be something that drains you.” In fact, all your children really need this holiday is you—present, peaceful, and willing to share in the wonders and joys the season brings.
