How To Quit Your Job After Maternity Leave, According to Moms Who’ve Done It
Considering quitting your job and staying home after maternity leave? Eight moms offer advice for making the leap.
Years ago, when I was pregnant with my oldest, I decided to leave my full-time office job to stay home with my newborn. Truth be told, I was ready for a change. Plus, my husband’s steady job meant I would have health insurance and some semblance of financial stability. From that privileged position, my decision to quit my job as soon as my baby was born—and give my notice well in advance—was easy. Though for many birthing parents, the choice of whether to return to work after maternity leave is anything but.
Case in point: one mom in the Mother Untitled community recently wrote in to share her struggles with this very question, asking for guidance on how to handle quitting her job after maternity leave. Should she inform her employers of her decision while she was out on leave? Or should she return to the office first and then give notice?
“There may not be a firm right answer,” says Michelle Howe, SHRM-CP, PHR, a human resources professional in Chicago, Illinois. “It requires a lot of thought on the employee’s part and it’s definitely complicated!” Howe says there are many aspects to consider, such as maintaining benefits and potentially burning bridges.
Giving notice while you’re out on maternity leave may be in the company’s best interest—but it can leave you as an employee in a tricky position, says Howe. “Under FMLA, if an employee provides notice that they unequivocally will not be returning, the employer may terminate the employee,” she explains. And if you’re receiving short-term disability, your employee’s plan may require that you’re on the payroll to continue to receive benefits. “In that sense, by giving notice, you may jeopardize your right to continue your leave,” Howe adds.
So what does this look life in real life? Eight mothers across the MU community weighed in on how they dealt with maternity leave—and the guilt that comes with not returning to work once baby arrives.
1. Build Flexibility Into Your Return to Work
“I’ve taken many different types of leave with my three kids. With my first kid, I went back after three months, but requested a condensed work week so I worked longer hours Monday through Thursday and took Friday off. With my second kid, I took an extended leave of six months, and when I got back I requested a shortened work week, where I chose to work the same workweek at 80 percent capacity from Monday through Thursday When I was pregnant with my third child, I quit my job.
Your employer cannot discriminate against you for requesting any of these types of amended maternity leaves or flexible work weeks. But the key is to communicate clearly what your intent is so that they can make plans during your absence. In my experience, those discussions should happen before you head out on your leave or at least give them ample time to find resource coverage. I also worked as a HR Business partner and have seen all kinds of maternity leaves and flex work arrangements once moms chose to come back.” - Eva, a mom of three in Dayton, Maryland.
Your employer cannot discriminate against you for requesting amended maternity leaves or flexible work weeks.
2. Know This: You Earned Your Maternity Leave
“Quick reframe to combat the guilt: You earned the leave during the time you worked before taking it!” - Jessica, a mom of two in Tahoe, California
3. Rip Off the Bandaid and Give Notice
“The best thing for me was to put together a plan, and rip off the bandaid by giving notice. I gave notice in early August but work wanted to make it effective at the end of my maternity leave so I retained benefits for the month. I knew there was no way I could go back for a little bit and then leave so I didn't.
If you know you don't want to go back, don't go back ‘for a bit’ to satisfy the company. Make a plan of how you'll leave. Make a script/plan and even roleplay with a partner or other trusted person. That exercise helped me, especially because I could roleplay some truly ludicrous scenarios that I knew wouldn't happen but let me get my nerves out.” - Yumi, a mom of one in Vancouver, Canada
If you know you don't want to go back, don't go back ‘for a bit’ to satisfy the company.
4. Trust You’ll Be OK—No Matter What
“Give as much notice as you can. You don’t have to go back to cover the gap, but it’s better that [your employer] know sooner so that they can start looking for a replacement, rather than expecting you back.
Second: you will not be the first or the last person to not return from leave. A year from now you will be deep in your family life and they will have moved on, so you don’t need to worry that things will fall apart! [Not returning was] the best decision I ever made, but it felt so much bigger in the moment.” - Lisa, a mom of one in Denver, Colorado
5. Research You Company’s Policies & Benefits
“Definitely research company policies so you know the impacts to your benefits, leave usage, etc. But don't hang around out of guilt! The organization will not be completely taken off guard—we all know when we have a woman on maternity leave that she may not come back. But be up front once you make the decision (towards the end of your leave, of course! No reason to leave benefits on the table!). It is definitely harder to reintegrate someone and then backfill again.
And from a personal side, definitely do what is best for you and for your family. It is not worth putting the company before your family, no matter what it is you do.” - Sara, a mom of one
Research company policies so you know the impacts to your benefits, leave usage, etc. But don't hang around out of guilt!
6. Take What You’ve Earned in Terms of Leave
“I believe all the work leading up to maternity leave is what ‘earned’ that leave, not work that will be done after you return. Just that simple perspective shift helps with the guilt. You worked hard and your maternity leave is part of your benefits package! Even if you left knowing you weren’t going to return why would you not take something that is yours and has already been earned?” - Liz, a mom of two in San Francisco, California
7. Consider That Returning to Work May Be Messy
“I went back for three months just to not ‘get in trouble’ under some rules they had about my leave. Honestly, it was worse for everyone. My boss had to integrate me back in and then replace me again. I felt bad. He understood why I did it, but still. I think the fact that I also worked with kids, so they got used to me again, only to have me leave again...sheesh. It was brutal.” - Meg, a mom of four in Pennsylvania
I went back for 3 months just to not ‘get in trouble’ under some rules they had about my leave. Honestly it was worse for everyone.
8. Do What’s Best for You in Terms of Your Life & Family
“Honestly, I served five very productive years at the company where I was before my maternity leave. I know for a fact I’ll never look back and wish I made the transition any longer. As soon as I realized I wasn’t interested in working anymore, I resigned effective immediately before I was supposed to return. It’s not everybody’s style, but I wouldn’t have been a good employee upon my return and I knew I’d never regret spending more time with my son.” - Julia, a mom of one
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